Kenyon: Sober is Se(really hard I hate it)xy

This is a feelings heart post that was really gross and not fun to write because I think that feelings are gross.

I used to be more fun. I don’t mean that in a self deprecating way. I really did used to be more fun. The prospect of going out and drinking was exciting and bopping between different NCA’s and New Apts was the greatest. I loved weekends and I loved the way I got to ebb and flow with the crowd- but I don’t get to drink anymore. (CRIES OF INDIGNATION AS THE CROWD FUCKING LOSES IT.)

BUT I also had this big gross skin disease and I was really sad and cried all the time and blah blah blah, BUT the IMPORTANT part is it’s now all better and I’m on medicine that makes it look better and feel better and the world is great. But despite the fact that I am 21 years old in college, the medicine makes it so I can’t drink. Which has been a giant boner of a bummer.

I’ve never had people at Kenyon pressure me to drink, especially not in the way that D.A.R.E. convinced me they would, but there IS pressure and anxiety that stems from it. I will be at a party, and I’ll be watching people move fluidly from conversation to conversation and they talk and laugh and dance and it’s just so poetic and they’ll all live forever and never feel sadness and you all are just be-a-utiful. I move around too, but I feel robotic and I can’t remember how you’re supposed to move your arms when you walk, or what you do with your hands when they aren’t pouring drinks into your mouth, or how to approach people and so I just stand there and think about how everyone must notice that I’m doing a horrible job. It’s enough to make me just want to stay home and say hi to you all in the morning.

For the first time in eighteen years, I sleep through the whole night. I don’t wake up to itching and searing pain. I’m wearing skirts all the time- without tights. People don’t come up to me anymore with magical cures. No one has asked me if I was attacked by someone or something. (Forever my favorite: “What did you do, fall down an entire mountain and not try to stop it?” Yes. You are the first person to nail it.)

I even got a tattoo because for the first time in my life, I can. And I don’t have to worry about it turning into a gross sore. It’s something positive on my body, that I put there because I wanted it there. It will stay there because I want it to. And it doesn’t hurt at all.

I feel good and I’m happy and I’m having a nice time. But I just gotta say- your parties are a lot more fun when I’m drunk.

10 responses

  1. Believe me, drinking loses its appeal once out of school. Especially when you have to get up in the morning to get to work. Try pot. But then expect quick weight gain from the excruciatingly endless munchies that go with it!

  2. As someone who made the plunge into total sobriety while at Kenyon, I’m kind of peeved by this article. Your personal insecurities while in social settings have nothing to do with being sober. They have to do with YOU and how YOU see sobriety, and the control YOU let intoxication have over your life. How does this article support any of your fellow community members who struggle with the decision to go sober? If anything, your writing is more indicative of your own weaknesses than it is the actual experience of being sober. You became less fun because you told yourself that. You had less fun for the same reason. Kenyon is actually an amazing place to figure all this out, and for exactly the opposite reasons of what you described. People don’t notice that you’re doing “a horrible job”, because there is no job. They’re super awesome about it (if they notice at all), because they are smart, got into Kenyon, and statistically speaking, are incredibly likely to either be or know someone who’s life was profoundly and negatively affected by alcohol and/or drugs.

      • I’m really sorry that this piece offended you in any way. The point of the piece wasn’t to say that I am a different person without alcohol. I have not been changed in any way. I was just trying to express that at Kenyon it IS difficult to be someone who does not drink and who used to be able to- in my opinion. I tried to convey that I enjoy Kenyon and the people, but that going to parties has become an entirely different thing for me. However, I think that it is VERY obvious that the issue is my insecurities in not having that social stimulant, (obviously people aren’t actually standing there and thinking I’m horrible-that would be extremely rude,) but I’m sorry that it didn’t come across clearly.

        Thanks for your response.

    • This was an opinion piece, so yes it is her OPINION about this topic. Wow. Trying to invalidate that with this comment is kind of rude.

    • Hey pal, can you please try to be empathetic and not be a total Ayn Rand about this!? Not being able to drink at a place where most socializing revolves around drinking is really hard, and feeling anxious about not being able to use civilization’s oldest social lubricant to lubricate yourself socially makes total sense!

      Also, telling a woman (or anyone) “This is what your experience is ACTUALLY about. I know better than you” is hecka rude, even though I’m sure that wasn’t your intention.

      Keep on writing on Mo, you sassy diamond!

  3. Maureen, you are amazing and beautiful and awesome and other superlatives I can’t think of because I’m tired and less intelligent than I like to think – anonymity kind of defeats the purpose of honest criticism, so I recommend that whoever wrote that start a LiveJournal or take up a position as an official YouTube commentator

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