We Watched Every Episode of Gilmore Girls This Weekend So You Didn’t Have To

This post was authored by Kate Lindsay ’15 and Maureen Hoff ’15. They are both tired and sad for different reasons. We’ll be continuing this Netflix binge-watching/live-blogging series with two more of the Thrill’s tired, sad staffers in the near future — leave your suggestions for our next show in the comments!

photo 2

Okay. I know the moment the clock turned October 1st and Gilmore Girls came on Netflix, you were all like “I know what I’m doing this weekend!” and then moments later were like “That’s impossible! I have so many parties to go to!”

You’re in luck, because we didn’t. While you were all out stashing your bashes, we were in Maureen’s New Apt doing the Lord’s work. And now we’re here to catch you up on what you missed.

SEASON ONE

Gilmore_Girls_season_1_box_set

Maureen:  Hello, enemy.
Kate:  Hi, friend. Tell me what you think about season one.
M:  I, too, have been hit by a deer.
K:  I identify with grumpy Rory, although I’m glad she doesn’t continue. It looks like they originally wanted her to be way meaner.
Also fuck Dean.
He’s so gd vanilla
M:  Also, interesting that sex never comes up between Dean and Rory.
Because it totally would have considering her relationship with her mother and their lack of religious pillars and her mother’s openness in communication.
K:  Do you want to talk about your housewife theory now?
M:  Well duh okay so in season one when there is the Donna Reed episode and Rory is like women are awesome and Dean’s like, “haha yeah awesome at making me dinner.”
K:  What’s the Nite Bites menu?
M:  And then Rory’s like I am so gd mad at you this is the worst and stops talking to him and then she feels bad so she pretends to be a fifties housewife and makes him a big goddamn dinner and then he is like wait you didn’t have to do this I was wrong and she’s like, “I FORGOT THE FUCKING ROLLS I FORGOT THE ROLLS WHAT THE FUCK.” and he’s like, “It’s fine.” But she plays pretend in a weird way WHICH is interesting considering her FUTURE where she will date Logan and be a part of the DAR and he’ll be all, “We will be a great nuclear family,” and she’s like, “um okay.” and THEN he asks her to marry her in season seven (which I never really count R.I.P. Sherman-Palladino’s) and she is like wait no this is NOT what I want and he’s like FUCK YOU and then in Season Four Dean marries Lindsay and is obviously like Yayayayay I love marriage that’s why I’m getting married at fucking eighteen/nineteen this’ll be dope I love wife who does stuff for me. And then he realizes oh wait I actually didn’t want a perfect wife, I just wanted Rory this sucks. SO FORESHADOWING RIGHT?
donnareed
Re. Nite Bites — You want the JTop sandwich and a Nutella milkshake.
photo 1

Thrill editor emeritus Emma Specter backs up Maureen’s “housewife theory.”

SEASON TWO

51KRySO6O8L._SY300_

M:  Slow your roll
“Did you know ham was originally made out of rice?”- Sookie St. James (aka Melissa McCarthy) background chatter that was totally kept in as a goof because she was probably a goddamn comedy genius then too
I’m starting to feel the loss of the magic by this show being so readily accessible on Netflix.
K: JESS JESS JESS JESS
ugh the BASKET EPISODE
Everyone always was like “Jess is gonna get her into trouble” but actually it was DEAN and LOGAN who were the bad influences. Wife cheating and yacht stealing is so much worse than brooding sexy hair man.
Jess Mariano, brooding sexy hair man.

Jess Mariano, brooding sexy hair man.

M:  I do think it is important to at least reference the finale where Sookie gets married and Rory smooches Jess by the Pond and she’s wearing that horrible 90’s dress that Joey totally would have worn to a wedding in Dawson’s Creek and probably DID wear but that was the best smooch
best best best smooch

and sCccuHREWww max
He breathes through his nose really loudly
and I pointed it out to my mom when we watched it when I was younger
and I ruined the show for her
xoxo luv u mom

SEASON THREE

GilmoreGirls_S3-1

M: God Bless. Rory leaves Dean and Rory gets with Jess and it is the happiest time in my life.

K:  Now why don’t THEY fuck

M:  They almost do but they were together for a really short amount of time and then he’s all like “Who am I? Where is my spinoff show?” and leaves.
SEASON FOUR
gilmore-girls-season-4-dvd_500
K:  THE DRAGONFLY!!! literally set the expectation for every hotel I ever go to ever
also Digger went to kenyon
 Sent at 10:36 PM on Sunday
K:  hello?
SEASON FIVE
51dTX8296aL._SY300_
K:  This is the same season number that Jim and Pam get engaged I think
M:  That is not canon…
K:  I just looked that up and I was right
M:  This doesn’t happen in Gilmore Girls
So it doesn’t matter.
Who is Jim
who names their child pam
This is dumb
K:  Okay “Lorelei”
M:  you spelled it wrong you asshole
K: Okay Logan has been my enemy from day one. It’s an emotionally manipulative and abusive relationship and I doN’T KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE OKAY WITH IT
M:  Well like I said, Amy had him written in from day one, you know? He’s the same as Christopher. He represents for Rory what Christopher represents for Lorelai
They’re options and they are old money and they are secure
but goddamn we love our diner boys ya feel?
Logan Huntzberger, Public Enemy No. 1

Logan Huntzberger, Public Enemy No. 1

SEASON SIX
url
K:  Okay FUCK this season. Seriously.
M:  No I love Paul Anka. I will have a dog named Paul Anka. And it will be weird and meta (maybe, what is Meta?) because it will be a reference to the show which references a person.
M:  YEAH THE  SECRET DAUGHTER SHIT
K:  I just hate it. I just HATE it. It’s no longer a charming family drama. Now it’s just straight soap opera and I’m here for NONE of it
also my Nite Bites came, for all those invested
M:  This is Jess’s last debut in the world of the Gilmores and it’s really frustrating because Logan is the worst and slept with a bunch of baddies and then Rory kisses Jess and she’s like, “I’m sorry I can’t,” and he’s like, “No it’s chill I get it.” And you just remember the time that we JUST watched happen (because this is so many Gilmore Girls episodes) where in season four he had ran into her first year apartment (unrealistic, even for Yale) and is like “I wasn’t ready before. I’m ready now, you can count on me.” And you know he’s been waiting for her FOR TWO GODDAMN YEARS.
SEASON SEVEN
GG 7
K:  This is bad. I stopped watching.
M:  YOU ARE A COWARD
THIS SHOW MEANT SO MUCH FOR SO LONG AND IT FALTERED. IT WAS A HARD TIME. THE PALLADINO’S WERE HAVING CONTRACT ISSUES
THERE WAS A RECESSION
I JUST FEEL LIKE YOU GAVE UP WHEN THEY NEEDED YOU
WHAT ABOUT THE TRIP TO FRANCE?
WHAT ABOUT THE ROCKET SHIP THAT LOGAN SENDS RORY THAT REALLY ISN’T THAT FUN OR ROMANTIC FOR ANYONE
WHAT ABOUT THE KNITTING MARATHON
WHERE CHRISTOPHER DONATES THE ENTIRE SUM OF MONEY
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HIS DAD DIED, AND SO HE HAS A SHIT TON OF CASH NOW
AND THE TOWN IS PISSED BECAUSE HE RUINED EVERYTHING
Well what are your thoughts now.
K:  I just think it’s poorly written and organized. That’s because I’m very Palladino or die with this. WE CAN AGREE ON THAT RIGHT?
M:  You didn’t give up for the Palladinos.
I just want to make that clear.
Don’t pretend this is about Loyalty.
K:  I guess as an English major I’m just super committed to the craft?
M:  I guess as an English major you can lick my literal asshole and hopefully come up with some super poetic metaphor to describe the taste of my poop?
Kate has signed off.

*Please don’t do the math or else you’ll realize that this is in no way feasible. But we watched an insane amount.

8 responses

  1. WHY IS EVERYSINGLE PERSON I TALK TO WATCHING IT THIS WEEKEND? WHY THIS PARTICULAR WEEKEND? (this weekend being the one that just past… not fall break)

  2. Pingback: Reading Daze, Succinctly | The Thrill

  3. Pingback: Senior Soiree: Expectations vs. Reality | The Thrill

Share your thoughts on this post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s