10 o’clock list: 5 Sentence Starters to Avoid During Parents’ Weekend

“Anyways, he was all like ‘GUESS WHO BROUGHT ABSINTHE?!’ and that’s when things REALLY got crazy…”

Let’s face it, bud, there are going to be a lot of parents on campus this weekend. Whether or not yours are making the pilgrimage, it’s almost guaranteed that several of your peers will be towing their elders across campus for a while. That being said, you can’t just carry on with your typical rhetoric. Unless your parents are riding front row the Cool Train, you might want to censor a few of your usual conversation topics. So here’s the deal- if you blow an engine early on with a particularly noticeable gaffe, there’ll be nowhere for you to land safely. Starting your sentences strong is a good escape plan for later slip ups. Here are a few engine-blowers for you to avoid in your parental communication quest.

  1. “Well, we got super drunk and…” – As far as parents go, you might want to assume they won’t necessarily want to hear about your inebriated escapades. Some might, but it’s probably better to play it safe. If you have one of those “ha ha funny because drunk” stories that you just have to tell, make sure that you leave out the part where you went to the Cove and ate Jell-O shots for dinner, and play it off like you were just thrill-seeking quirky youths engaging in sober silliness.
  2. “Yeah, the one you/I/we hooked up with last weekend, they…” – Don’t get me wrong, you should not be ashamed of your sex life or discussing it in a supportive setting. But casually mentioning someone else’s sexual past in front of their parents, or interjecting a slice of your sexcapades for that matter, is not exactly the most tactful conversation move.
  3. “Oh my god, I hate them so much, I…” – It seems to be a common theme that people regard talking behind others’ backs with contempt, but then do it themselves. Even if you try not to do it, you might slip up every so often. Expressing your all-encompassing hatred for your sworn enemy in front of your friends’ parents might not give the best impression.
  4. “Last week in [insert class here], all we did was talk about Beyonce, it was actually…” – Fine, that’s never happened to me and I would venture to guess it hasn’t really happened at all (a girl can dream). But, I think at every institution of learning there exists a day of class where you get off on a tangent and spend the whole class doing something that beats the usual grind. That being said, it might not be the best idea to leave your parents questioning the educational experience that they may or may not be funding.
  5. “It IS just like Hogwarts, see, look over…” – No. Please, just… no. I love good ol’ HP as much as the next muggle, but it’s so hackneyed. Where’s your originality?

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