How to Spot a Trustee

Barry F. Schwartz ’70, chair of the Board of Trustees

It’s that time of year again; the leaves are changing colors, the days are getting colder, and the number of luxury cars on campus has tripled. Yup, it’s that magical time of year known as the Fall Meeting of the Board of Trustees. Back on campus to plan the future of the college and to generally celebrate their success and self-congratulate each other, the trustees will be around. Now, you might be wondering, how does one spot a trustees? What do they look like? Where they stay? Never fear, The Thrill has got you covered on what to look for.

1. Age: Trustees are at least middle age, and most are older. Signs include white hair and possibly a cane.

2. Dress: Look for suits and other business wear. The trustees are in meetings all day with college administrators, so they’ve brought along their corporate boardroom wear. Purple sweaters, ties and shirts will be prevalent; the trustees have to rep that Kenyon pride.

3. Subject of conversation: Last year during trustee weekend, one of our writers literally heard two trustees comparing their private islands. Keep your ears open for conversations related to Kenyon, business, money management, second homes, overseas travel, and how Kenyon used to be better/how much better Kenyon is today. Other possibilities include sentences starting with the phrase “back in my day” or conversations discussing “the youth.”

4. Location: They are out there, wandering around campus, reminiscing. They also have long, serious meetings in lower Peirce, and keep students from eating there. They most likely stay at the KI, not extra rooms in Mather or the Comfort Inn in Mount Vernon. The VI will be a popular location. (Don’t worry, they don’t come to the Cove.)

Don’t be afraid of the trustees and don’t hassle them when you’re drunk, but don’t be intimidated! They were Kenyon students once, too. Observation is best done early in morning before their meetings. Loud noises may startle them and staring is discouraged but can be done surreptitiously from across the bar at the VI or sitting on a bench on Middle Path.

All kidding aside, The Thrill would like to thank the trustees for all the money and time they donate to Kenyon. We all appreciate it. Now please give more. We’d like a cappuccino machine in Peirce and better housing options. Also, it has recently been determined that Mitt Romney is officially worth more than Kenyon College, so…

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