With parents weekend over, you’ve finally returned to the life of leisure you tried to hide from your parents. Unfortunately, for every call you now have to keep up that persona- you know, the one who actually does laundry and can see the floor of their room? Before you start to panic, read this for some tips on how to keep your parents out-of-the-know during your next Skype session:
- Get a small plant. To start off strong, provide the illusion that not only are you an adult who can take care of yourself, but you can also remember to water your plants more than once a year. Throw this bad boy in the background every time. You’re in the library? Put the plant there. Outside? Plant.
- Wear a nice shirt (and no pants). Let’s be real: Sundays are hard, and putting on pants is even harder. When all else fails throw on a nice button down and lie in bed pantless while talking about how you’ve totally already studied today and you definitely didn’t get a D+ on your midterm.
- Talk about that one office hours session you went to (in August). Remember how you went to office hours that one time for that one class? Talk about it for thirty-five minutes. Works every time.
- Give each story a new set of names. This is particularly important for first years. Convince your parents that you’re actually putting yourself out there and meeting people by peppering in a few new names every Skype call. Create recurring characters with complicated plotlines*. Someone is dating their long lost brother and then their stepfather kidnaps them. Life is crazy.
- Talk about going to the KAC (constantly). Who cares that you don’t know which button turns the treadmills on, or that you’ve never actually seen the inside of the KAC- let your parents know all about how you get up at 6 AM and go for run at the KAC every day before your 8:10! When you’re ready to get more creative, subtly mention how you’ve been renting out squash racquets, joined the team, and already have plans to go pro!
- Pretend you have to read. When all else fails, lie and say you have to read (because you’re only done with two out of your five daily episodes of Gilmore Girls and how are you ever going to reach your goal of finishing the series within one month if you don’t get back to work soon??)
*pretty sure you can get a humanities credit for this
YASSSSSSSSS SO ACCURATE
are we really supposed to be limiting our gilmore girls viewing to 5 episodes a day?
I am not for limiting leisure. This is my calculated schedule and mandatory number of episodes per day. Do as I do, you will not regret. Exceed what I do, you are a better person than me.
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