Kenyon’s alumni are some of the best and brightest in the world (we happen to think). In this feature, we celebrate some of our most beloved Kenyon alums with the highest honor any mortal can hope to achieve: notes/letters published on the Internet. Yes, that’s right, the Internet. In celebration of that most sinful of holidays, Halloween, we’ve decided to write a letter to one of our most excellent ghostly alums, Olof Palme.
Dear Olof Palme,
Thanks so much for ruling Sweden, history shows that that’s a toughie. Civic discontent is on the rise, huh? How’re you planning to handle it, Big Guy? My social skills coach told me that when I’m feeling intimidated I should start the conversation with a joke. Here goes:
What do Greta Garbo, Stieg Larsson and Alfred Nobel have in common? They’re all famous Swedes who didn’t go to Kenyon.
HA, rich right? You’re definitely much better than them because of this. Now, I know you’re not the Swedish High King anymore, but I’m sure you’re still behind the scenes. Tell me, do you come to Stefan Löfven in his dreams or while he’s awake? Are you more like a scary ghost or more like a nice ghost? If you’ve tried both, which is he more responsive to? Oh also, your buddy Stieg‘s been looking out for you. If I were you, I’d reach out to him, maybe like via Ouija board or something. He misses you, step it up Palmedawg.
In all seriousness though, you did some pretty neat stuff up there in office. I’m sure your old subjects really dig that nice welfare state. You set up the framework buddy, high-fives beyond the grave for that one! Great job denouncing injustice around the world. Inspiring, my sweet boy, truly inspiring. Also, Anth house, nice!
Anyway, just thought I’d drop you a line. Don’t have too much fun rattling chains through dark hallways and materializing covered in blood in children’s bedrooms when they get up for a glass of water.
PS: How much power do you have over the IKEA Bureau? If it’s a lot, I’d like to run some ideas by you. I have a lot of ideas…