Whether you’ve just begun your journey into freakitude or you began it long ago, The Thrill is here to help you improve your safe, consensual sexy sex times by answering your most burning questions. Have a question about x-rated materials? Send us an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line Sex Q and we’ll answer it in our next edition. Feeling embarrassed? Not to worry– we’ve set up a Gmail account to allow for anonymous questions. The username is “gettingfreakythrill” and the password is “thethrill”. Log in and shoot us an email, and your question may be featured on the blog!
A quick search for “Halloween Sex” on Google queued up a bunch of articles about how different communities across America are doing sex offender sweeps of neighborhoods before kids start going house-to-house begging for candy. Rest assured, that’s not the kind of Halloween sex we’re talking about today. In this special edition of “Getting Freaky,” we’ll be highlighting some key ways to make your spooky scary sexy times gleam and sparkle like the candle in a Jack-O-Lantern.
Q: How do I look sexy on Halloween without buying into the whole “misogynistic sexification of arbitrary figures in pop culture” scheme that commercial costume websites propagate?
Okay okay okay. I agree, the way costume companies market “adult” costumes is super problematic. However, you shouldn’t be discouraged from wearing what makes you feel comfortable! If you’re really into a “sexy” costume, wear it! If you don’t want to support industries that feel obligated to use sex as a selling point, create your own ensemble! Here’s a really great Pinterest board of homemade sexy Halloween costumes for dudes and ladies. Get creative, have fun, and don’t stress. You’re gonna look great.
Q: How do I incorporate my love of pumpkins into my lovemaking???
Oh boy. I wouldn’t bring a whole pumpkin into the bedroom (because, you know, there could be bugs in there). Instead, I would try to find some pumpkin-themed sex products. Grab a bottle of pumpkin cheesecake-flavored edible massage oil and go to town! Incorporate Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts into oral sex (it’s not like it hasn’t been done before)! Make your bang buddy jealous by sending them this e-card! Petition Durex to actually make pumpkin spice condoms! Dip your downstairs in a Das Boot filled with Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Frappucino and encourage your partner to lick it up! The list is endless.
Q: I need some sexual inspiration to get me in the mood before Halloween. Help?
If this photo of the Museum of Sex’s Halloween display doesn’t get you all hot and bothered, I don’t know what will.
Happy Halloween, ghoulies and ghosties. Bone responsibly and safely.