10 o’clock List: Ways You Thought Kenyon Was Hogwarts and Were 100% Wrong

This post was written by Maureen Hoff ’15 and Mary Alice Jackson ’15.

WARNING: This may ruin Harry Potter Day as you know it…

1.   You thought there were witches. You saw the way people dressed and thought that we were all at LEAST Stevie Nicks type of witches. Flow-y dresses, big sweaters and shawls, witchy boots- oh my god totally witches. Nope, not witches, just hip hip hip hip2b square.

2.   You were told  “Old Side Looks Like The Great Hall.” But then you got here and realized that there were One Million (approx.) Students trying to eat at the same time and sitting in the Great Hall seems like an absolute joke after seeing all the dinguses trying to get food in the servery and then you DO get to Old side and OH LOOK the only table available is that one on a motherfucking platform and professors are definitely not sitting there which is definitely what J.K. Rowling told me was going to happen. I’m going to skip dinner tonight this is stressing me out.

3.   In the Admissions Catalog, This was a “Magical School on a Hill.” When you toured, the campus was full of magical looking people in magical looking flowy skirts and witch boots playing with magical Frisbees and frolicking in the sun. Fast forward to November when it’s pouring sleet rain and somehow your umbrella seems to have ‘magically’ disappeared.

4.   The Sorting Hat– Maybe you thought coming into college that you would sit on a ‘motherfucking platform’ in the middle of the Great Hall as a grumbly old hat was placed on your head and quietly mumbled, ‘Slytherin’. Let me tell you; you were DEAD WRONG. The only real “sorting” we have here is the housing lottery, which (you guessed it!) is far from magical. You may sort yourself into a Taft, Themed House or the volunteer fire fighters’ Wilson, but in the end we’re all just a bunch of Hufflepuffs anyway.

5.  You thought college would teach you to be a sorcerer – Some days we look a lot less like Lord Voldemort and a lot more like Seamus Finnigan in Charms class. More than anything, college teaches you to be humble, and who needs to be flying on brooms and transmogrifying into cats all over the place? Psh, not me.

*6.* You thought there were robes– During matriculation, everyone was wearing robes and hats, and maybe you hoped this was the ideal. You can always go ahead and change the norm; just think of how breezy it would be to wear a robe all the time, and you wouldn’t ever have to worry about what to put on when you got up in the morning….

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