via russellbooks.wordpress.com

Confused Individual: “Is spaghetti a living organism?”

• Shmoo Expert: “No…”

Guy who should probably just play Rugby?: “I think I’d like soccer more if there were more sanctioned hooliganisms.”

Family Man: “My uncle–Dude, my uncle–would totally fuck up your grandma.”

Communication Expert: “I was walking to the Duplex on Saturday and I literally vommed while texting and kept texting.”

Gal in the Omelet Line: “Did you snort pixie stix?”

Disaffected Liberal Arts Student: “Is that Emily’s book?”

• Friend: “Yeah.”
• D.L.A.S.: “Are you borrowing it?”
• Friend: “Yeah.”
• D.L.A.S.: “Are you getting into Buddhism?”
• Friend: “Yeah.”
• D.L.A.S.: “It happens.”

First-Year, wise beyond his years: “Every thought is an original thought.”

Dude #1: “Did you get my e-mail?”

• Dude #2: “Yes.”
• Dude #1: “Do you think it’s a learning disability?”
• Dude #2: “Wope, I didn’t get that e-mail.”

Picky Junior: “I only wear red lipstick. I don’t wear lipstick, but if I do it’s red.”

Struggling Senior: “I was just looking for a lighter to drink my wine.”

Have more overheards? Post them in the comments!