Klexicon Entry: H is for Hash Brown Triangles

And on the 3rd day God said “let there be triangles!”

Have you ever gone to Peirce on a Sunday morning and seen a swarm of people gathered around Comfort in a mob for no apparent reason? Have you ever been approached by a frantic Peirce worker saying “The triangles will be just another minute!”  Are you one of those kids in the swarm? Chances are you are already very familiar with the famous Peirce Hash brown triangles.

Hash Brown Triangle (hahsh brawn try-en-gl) n. A fried potato breakfast food in the shape of triangle that usually has a higher proportion of fry grease than actually potato. Many students report a sense of euphoria after consuming said food.

Kenyon Kontext: “Dude I waited in line for like ten minutes for triangles cause the guy in front of me took like 12 all at once.”

 

3 responses

  1. While this article does portray certain truths (guy in front of you taking 12 HBTs and leaving you to wait, throwing your trust into the will of Chef Meagan – will she bring you more? If so, how soon? Do you have somewhere to be?? Do you even have time to wait for these triangles, the very food that had convinced you that yes, you would get up today and go to breakfast before class, risking life, limb, and exposure to the rough Gambian elements? Also noteworthy and accurate was the reference to the swarm of hungry students, and of course the word choice of “euphoria” to describe the affects of HBTs is extremely appropriate in this circumstance), I found the article to not display the proper amount of homage that the HBTs, as perhaps Kenyon’s finest triangular food, (if not on the same glorious, glorious plane as Mac n’ Cheese Wedges), rightfully deserve.

    For example, you did not even reference the common Kenyon acronym (#KenyonKolloquialism, if you will) that widely recognizes HBT as referencing Hash Brown Triangles. I also find your pronunciation guide problematic: “hahsh brawn try-an-gl”….? Come now.

    But even this is not the greatest of your offenses – you actually have the audacity to suggest the following, that the HBT can be defined as: “A fried potato breakfast food in the shape of triangle that usually has a higher proportion of fry grease than actually potato.” We won’t even get into the grammatical awkwardness of this statement, though it is a disappointing element to an already distastefully inaccurate statement. As I believe many of my fellow Kenyonites would agree, I am of the firm belief that the HBT actually has the perfect amount of grease-to-potato ratio (imagine the word “perfect” as italicized — I’d like to put emphasis on the word “perfect” in order to stress here that HBTs are, indeed, perfect). The grease serves both practical and aesthetic purposes – have you ever seen a wedge glisten in the morning sun as it streams through the grandiose New Side windows, or the colorful intonations of the Old Side stained glass? I have. The image you’ve painted is one of a unappetizingly sopping wedge swimming in grease, which really could not be further from the truth. Were I not a Kenyon student and I stumbled upon this post, I don’t know if I would be able to properly appreciate all that is the warm, crunchy, golden-brown wonder that is the HBT. Of course, nobody could properly appreciate what it is to consume an HBT without actually doing just that. But you at least could have given the HBT the irresistibly delicious description that it deserves.

    Furthermore, you failed to properly analyze the HBT as an accompanying element of any good meal. Ways to consume the HBT, apart from enjoying it all by its perfect little self, vary from mixing with ketchup, eggs, Sriracha, or even mashing all of the aforementioned ingredients together in a bowl to create a warm, spicy breakfast hodgepodge with just the right amount of crunch. This was truly a shortcoming on your part and I expect better from you in the future.

    Now that I have expressed my grievances with this article, I would like to acknowledge that you probably had your heart in the right place. You clearly recognize the HBT as one of the pinnacles of Kenyon’s culinary feats, but your supporting evidence is half-hearted. I would like to encourage better planning and research in your future work.

    C –

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