If you’re like me, you want to eke the maximum amount of Bobby-Flay-level flavor out of your Peirce dinner without sacrificing nutrition.

“But how am I supposed to do that?”, you moan ghoulishly, staggering out of the servery with your greasy paws clamped around a napkinful of mac-and-cheese sandwiches.

Don’t worry, friends. I, your health and fitness guru, am here to save the day with HealthPlate™. (Not to brag, but as of press time, I’ve completed slightly over 1 crunch. And not to digress further, but I think there’s a classic comedy joke to be made here about crunches versus Crunch Bars that I’d be remiss not to note.)

Step 1 — Get plate.

Step 2 — Fill plate exactly halfway with cucumbers.

Step 4 — Take Plate to Vegetarian (or other relevant location).

Step 5 — Fill remaining half of plate with fries.

Voila — you have just put together a beginners’ HealthPlate™.

Notice how the thick,  texture of melds seamlessly with the light, airy crunch of cucumber. You now have a meal that is 50% delicious and 50% nutritious. The more advanced version of HealthPlate™ features mashed potatoes and cherry tomatoes, but start with this for now, rockstar.