One of the things that was important to me during my tenure as Editor in Chief was to get to the bottom of one of Kenyon’s biggest mysteries: where does D-Cat live? One minute I see him on campus, the next I don’t. Wtf. All semester, we’ve been working tirelessly, taking turns to trail him, his kids, his dogs, in order to get some kind of inkling of where exactly he goes at the end of the day. It’s been a long process, but it wasn’t in vain. I’m pleased to present this scoop to the campus community: D-Cat lives in… Cromwell Cottage. I know what you’re thinking: where’s the evidence? This is just another drop in the alarmist pool of bile we’ve come to expect from you guys.
What first tipped us off is a statement made by President Decatur in the December Alumni Bulletin:
One of the most common questions I’ve heard in the course of my first year at Kenyon is: “What is it like to live in Cromwell?” Or, its familiar variation: “Is it strange to live in the middle of campus?”
Now, any amateur journalist would have stopped here–but I wasn’t convinced. I searched “Cromwell” on Kenyon’s website:
Cromwell Cottage is where Kenyon’s president lives.
What do you think I am? An idiot? I need more sources. I searched for it again on KCpedia (a real thing that exists, why haven’t we posted on it?):
The cottage is located north of Olin Library and faces Middle Path. President Nugent currently resides there.
VINDICATED. Phew! I almost really embarrassed myself. At this point, I knew I had to go straight to the horse’s mouth, or whatever. I e-mailed Decatur with some questions, and he finally put this search to rest: So, there you have it. The Thrill scoops the world once again.
FINE JOURNALISM! OUTSTANDING TO THE EXTREME! GIVE IT A GOLDEN LOVING CUP FILLED WITH STEAK CUBES! TAKE HEED, HIKA! TAKE HEED, Collegioners! HOORAU! HOORAU! HOORYAY!
This is my favorite thrill article from this semester. I have belly laughed TWICE from The only thing I’ve laughed harder at was the Hash Brown Triangles rant on a five o’clock list. Well done.
Wow. So that was incoherent. What it was supposed to say was: “I have belly laughed TWICE from just the title.” I apologize. Finals week. Ya know.
This is the best Thrill article all semester. Crying in Hayes.
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