There are alternatives

We all know about Dad’s Taxi. It’s there. It exists. Big whoop. Honestly, after my recent experience, I’m not really very interested in inanimate objects claiming to be my dad. Here’s a list of lesser known options you could choose instead of Dad’s Taxi.

1. Step-Dad’s Taxi: Not very efficient and very non-authoritative, but sometimes he drives you to parties your mom said you couldn’t go to or slips you beer money so you’ll think he’s cool, so you call him every once in a while.
2. Middle School Gym Teacher’s Taxi: Smells like sweaty socks and cheetos but when your parents forget to pick you up from basketball practice, heck. Everyone loses.
3. Steve’s Older Brother’s Taxi: BANGIN’ STEREO SYSTEM WITH THE BASS TURNT UP. Cushions are kinda dank though so sometimes you shower off with a hose before going inside and tell your mom it was raining.
4. Best Friend from Kindergarten’s Taxi: The crayons are a big plus (very fun) but ride would be smoother if the van didn’t smell like Cheerios. Of course, that’s what happens when you make a van out of Cheerios. Cheerios and Play-Doh. And memories.
5. Chef Meagan’s Taxi: The Most Incredible Ultimate BYO Kung-Pao Local Cheesy Grits Taxi Bar in the Universe. #chefmeagan5ever