So it’s rush week, the signs are are very literally everywhere, and suddenly everyone knows more of the greek alphabet than the Classics department ever taught them. If you’re like me, and not planning on rushing, here are some tips and tricks!
1. Close your eyes when you walk into a bathroom. This might seem a little strange, but it is scientifically proven that 83.6% of all rush week posters are in the bathrooms. (Seriously guys, can’t I pee in peace?) I suggest closing your eyes in every bathroom trip and pretending the posters do not exist. Of course, this has some technical issues we’re still working out, but for now it should do the trick!
2. Up your skills in polite avoidance. We’re all very well trained in avoiding certain “weekend friends” sitting at tables in Peirce, but now it’s not just one person in one specific location you have to ignore– it’s dozens of people in multiple locations. Don’t worry! I have faith that your “I-have-something-very-important-to-do-and-I-am-in-a-hurry” face will be up to par as long as you practice in the mirror for at least an hour a night.
3. Get your roommate or another friend to bring you free stuff. Another reason people rush, apart from the bathroom stall poster peer pressure, is to get free stuff. Drop small hints to your roommate who is rushing; for example,”Hey, did you happen to get any free stuff from rush week?” or “Hey, do you have any extra free stuff to give me?” This kind of subliminal messaging will take you a long way.
4. Stop making Rush into a small talk topic. We’re all guilty of cliché small talk topics, but for the love of all that is holy, stop asking people if they’re rushing, especially if you KNOW they’re not rushing. People who don’t rush tend to all have very similar repetitive answers on why not, and it just turns into a long and awkward conversation that no one wants to be a part of. Save yourself from this regret.
5. Remind yourself that you have friends. There’s probably going to come a point towards the end of the week where you feel a small twinge of regret that you didn’t rush. Think of all the friends you could have made! you’ll think to yourself. Think of the free stuff you could have gotten! Shut this mental spiral down before it starts by texting one of your friends to hang out. Remember: If you want free stuff, you can always steal their Oreos.