The Friday Ketchup


Hey. Its about that time again. Condiment time. Its been a week so it’s here again. I missed seeing you guys, and I hope it was a good week full of great times. It’s the Friday Ketchup. (Not to be confused with the Monday Catchup. Clarity. The Thrill is about CLARITY.)

The Senate passed a bill authorizing the construction of the Keystone XL pipeline, but it is almost certainly a futile gesture since President Obama has already said he will veto any bill allowing plans for the pipeline to go forward.

What does our president have against good times? I don’t understand why he would be against a pipeline that brings more Keystone to the United States. It would only make a great beer cheaper for poor college students like you and me, and who doesn’t like cheap beer? Drinking beer is a symbol of this great country, and Mr. Bigpants up there in the White House thinks he’s just too cool to help us do it. I bet he’s a snooty wine drinker who doesn’t even like beer and never buys cool wine like Franzia and Three Buck Chuck. The Founding Fathers died for our right to party, and Obama’s just dancing all up on their graves with this move. What a party pooper.

I say we demand our Keystone, because I’ll be damned if I’m forced to drink some terrible hipster beer like PBR because Obummer was too lame to get us a pipeline. It would be so chill to have a pipeline, which basically would be a beer bong the size of the United States. That would be so epic. Like we could just throw a huge national rager all the time. But nothing gold can stay, Ponyboy.

Well, that was the Friday Ketchup. I hope you enjoyed our time together as much as I did. Bye.

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