Whether the mere mention of Peirce food fills your tummy with the happy rumblies or the cruddy yuckies, a Peirce meal is an experience that most of us undergo anywhere from one to seven (?) times a day. And wherever you lie on the spectrum of AVI loyalty, there is one thing that we all can agree on: the raw sexual energy that abounds within the threshold of those glass door. Hungry bodies, jostling and rubbing against each other frantically; the forbidden intermingling of wheat products in the gluten free freezer; the sudden chemistry of two hands accidentally touching whilst both reaching for the sweet, gooey release achieved from a dollop of Yoder’s Family Farm strawberry preserves… In Chef Meagan’s immortal words, taken from her Peircegiving 2014 address, “What a sexy sight :) ”.
But arguably the most sensual and certainly the most popular station within the Peirce-o-sphere is the Comfort station. Waiting in line for Comfort is a whole genre of foreplay in itself: if sweaty hands grasping at hot tongs, yearning glances refracted off the oily sheen of sweet potato fries, and coy giggles exchanged over a plate of “Pressed Sausage Sandwiches” doesn’t get your motor revved, I honestly don’t know what will.
So I have done the Kenyon Kommunity the honor of compiling a list of arousing phrases that can be used indiscriminately, whether you’re puttin’ the moves on in the boudoir or sittin’ pretty in front of the sloppy joe bun basket. Enjoy, and don’t forget to use a clean plate if you’re coming back for seconds!
- Wait…. are you a Rachel or a Reuben? Whatever, I’m flexible.
- He say’s he’s all out now, but if we wait five minutes for him to warm it up, we can go in for round two.
- I really have to slow down, this is my third time today.
- Usually I’m not willing to wait this long, but I know for a fact that it’s gonna be so worth it.
- Yeah, it tastes good, but the texture is what really does it for me.
- Is it healthy for me to be taking this much?
- Just from the way it smells alone, I can tell that this was a good choice.
- MMMMMYUMYUMYMUMYMUMM THAT LOOKS SO JUICY.
- I wonder if I’m making the vegetarians uncomfortable with all this meat.
- If it’s making me nauseous just sitting in front of me, imagine how I’m gonna feel once it’s inside me.
- Triangle shaped, huh? It’s different, but I’ll try anything once!