Did you hear? Fifty Shades of Grey is coming out this week, just in time for Valentine’s Day. It’s funny how that seems to work out- a romantic movie coming out at the same time as a big romantic holiday. I bet the movie executives are happy about how that turned out. Anyways, it’s time for the Friday Ketchup.

Russia and Ukraine agreed to a ceasefire agreement this week, ending months of armed conflict in Eastern Ukraine. It appears Russia and it’s separatist allies will gain nothing from their attempts to annex the region. Once again, it’s been proved that Russia simply isn’t as good as America. Do you think we signed a wimpy ceasefire agreement with our neighbor, Mexico, when we fought them? Heck no! We took a bunch of territory from them, including Texas, our national jewel. Russia just doesn’t have the power of Manifest Destiny on their side. Sorry God doesn’t agree with your vision, Putin.

in other news, Jon Stewart announced he’s leaving The Daily Show before the end of the year. I say good riddance. News is serious business, and we don’t need some clown mucking it up with his cheap jokes. Maybe people will focus on real journalists, like Brian Williams.

Alright, kids, the Friday Ketchup’s almost finished for this week. You can probably tell this is the final paragraph, which means the article is coming to an end after this. I hope you enjoy you’re Valentine’s Day weekend. Spend a lot of money on your significant other to help the economy, and you should brush your teeth twice a day. We’ll see you later.