Getting Freaky, Volume XIII: 50 Shades of Great

via and literally everywhere else

via and literally everywhere else

Whether you’ve just begun your journey into freakitude or you began it long ago, The Thrill is here to help you improve your safe, consensual sexy sex times by answering your most burning questions. Have a question about x-rated materials? Send us an e-mail at with the subject line Sex Q and we’ll answer it in our next edition. Feeling embarrassed? Not to worry– we’ve set up a Gmail account to allow for anonymous questions. The username is “gettingfreakythrill” and the password is “thethrill”. Log in and shoot us an email, and your question may be featured on the blog!

Hello again, sexy lovelies! Today is Valentine’s Day, and nothing says “undress me and have your way with my body” like paper hearts and cheap teddy bears. Valentines sex is a must if you have anyone even remotely special in your life. However, after eating your weight in Russell Stover chocolates, it might be tempting to resort to some pretty vanilla love tactics. Missionary? In the dark? Under the covers? Come on, folks! We can do better! (Without, of course, resorting to the kind of freaky abuse peddled to the masses in the form of 50 Shades of Grey. Avoid that franchise at all costs.) If your enthusiastically consensual something-something is interested in getting a little, shall we say, freaky, you might want to try out a couple of these moves:

1. Light choking. Slight blood deprivation can be extremely erotic! Since this move has the potential to go terribly wrong, be sure to do it healthily. Squeeze the sides of the throat instead of pushing down on the front; that way, the neck’s blood vessels are being affected instead of your partner’s airway. This lessens the chance of damage to the voice box, too.

2. A little spanking. Believe it or not, a lot of people find a bit of pain to be pretty sexy. Don’t go too crazy without knowing how to do it properly. Stick to the fatty part of the cheeks and avoid the tailbone. Spanking the middle of the ass tends to be more painful than erotic. And, as always, be intensely in tune with what your partner enjoys and doesn’t enjoy.

3. Scratching. Start with less sensitive areas of the body, like the back and legs. If you and your partner find this feels good, start experimenting with different spots. Be sure to scratch lightly; drawing blood is sometimes more jarring than sexy. Talk boundaries with your partner before doing anything drastic.

4. Blindfolding. Sometimes, not knowing what’s coming next is better than a concrete visual. Don’t let your regular porn marathons fool you into thinking the opposite. Feel free to direct your partner while you’re blindfolded, letting them know what feels good and what doesn’t. Having a correctional plan in place just in case something goes wrong can be reassuring, too. Trust me, it won’t ruin the excitement.

5. Hugging. Some of these moves are a little heavy, Doc. Make sure to practice aftercare if you end up doing anything that has the potential to cause emotional or physical pain.

*Seriously, have whatever kind of sex you want. I really don’t care. It’s your decision.

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