Oh Kenyon housing, how you have changed over the course of my short tenure here. Back when my perky, 18 year old body first set foot on this campus, my highest residential aspirations were to while away sunday mornings in a Farr Hall stateroom, gazing down at disheveled passersby and softly chuckling to myself. This dream stands, I suppose, but I would guess the majority of the student body would beg to differ. In the past few years many of the college’s charming and cozy living spaces have been bulldozed in order to make way for the construction of spacious, white cubes set aside for the upper crust. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that I had the opportunity to apply to live in a mansion made out of paper, balsa wood and glue and be rejected. However, part of me misses the undeniable charm of the domiciles that had to die in order for these boxes to be birthed. Dear reader, take a walk with me if you will, and I will feed you knowledge of some long-gone, tastefully janky housing options.
Ah the Bexleys. These charming little fellows were sure to strike anyone who went to an elementary school strapped for space with a blow of crippling nostalgia. Oh dear reader, fondly recall with me those kindergarten days, after lunch, when you would enter a deceivingly large portable unit in order to enjoy extended-day programming. The Bexleys were this same type of building, trailers that could be pulled about by a large truck. The idea of living in one of these filled my little heart with joy. Also they had pretty good parties and ample outdoor space. I once climbed out the back window of one to avoid being written up. I sometimes wonder whether they were demolished, or simply pulled away to a new home. In order to avoid tearing up I will continue to believe the latter.
These were firefighter jank, but also other people jank. I only set foot in these places twice, once to cook a disgusting meal and once to watch “The Goofy Movie.” They had a diseased air, but I’m pretty sure that they also had wood floors, which is something that can’t be said about any other college residences. I remember little else, but they will be missed.
There is no doubt in my mind that soon enough, the last vestiges of Kenyon apartment jank, our dear New Apts will fall the same way as their above mentioned brethren. With the first block condemned, structural flaws will doubtless make their presence known in the others. Soon, white boxes will stand upon the dreaded swamp. Soon, upperclassfolk of sub-great academic standing will be forced entirely south.
Quick! Jankiest first-year dorm? “Gund?” Wrong! You might have been right a couple of years ago, but guess what dear reader, Gund is undergoing a renaissance that makes its doubles quite possibly nicer than Lewis and Norton. “What the hell? “You may be asking. “What shitty baby dorms remain to be hated on?” You may be asking. Only Mather, dear reader. Now isn’t that sad?
Honorably Mentioned Remaining Jank:
Cove Apartments, New Apts, Basement Leonard, all triples, all “divisions”