A Kenyon Horror Story

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Here at The Thrill, we’re focused and determined to bring the campus hard hitting journalism, and today, we’ve uncovered a story filled with horror unlike anything ever witnessed here at Kenyon College. This certainly gave our staff nightmares, and we’re sorry if it does the same for you, but the truth must be told so that hopefully, others will not be victims. 

It was a dark and stormy night when first-year student Jon Greene* decided to check his email. It had been a long day, filled with classes and repetitive student info emails. He hoped, perhaps, that one of his emails would be from his professors, giving him a grade on his latest english essay. But alas, all the subject titles read [STUDENT-INFO].

Jon Greene was not pleased.

However, one email headline stuck out to him. [Student-Info] It is your responsibility to check your schedule. Jon let out a laborious sigh. This was the 600th email from the registrar he had received this week. He knew his schedule was fine, but nonetheless, there was a distinct nagging in the pit of his stomach, even though he had checked his MyBanner page yesterday. Perhaps it was fate that Jon decided to check his schedule that night. Perhaps it was something else.

As the thunder boomed from outside, and the shitty McBride heating system rattled to life, Jon opened his Spring 2015 schedule only to find….his Intro to Psych class was nowhere to be seen.

Realistic portrayal of Jon Greene’s face

The very next morning Jon ran to the registrar office, knowing that only they could fix this. He burst into the office, a nervous sweat coating his brow, and went to the first available desk. “Please!” he shouted. “You have to help me, I checked my schedule, and my psych class isn’t there!!”

The lady did not blink. “It is your responsibility to check your schedule,” she said in a monotonous tone.

“But I did!” Jon insisted. “I did check my schedule! I need you to fix it.”

“It is your responsibility to check your schedule,” she repeated. “You have failed, so you must be eliminated.”

“What are you talking about?” Jon asked. But the lady did not answer, she seemed to have disappeared. Jon rushed to the nearest computer and found that his login was not working. He later found out he was no longer enrolled in any of his classes and his cozy McBride single had been given away to a CA to use as their personal lounge. The Registrar had disappeared Jon from Kenyon College. Soon after that, Jon was disappeared from everything, for good. Needless to say, Jon Greene no longer exists.

They say his spirit still haunts the campus to this very day, reminding students to check their schedules.

*Name changed to protect the “innocent”

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