After months drenched in cold interpersonal indifference and soul-dampening flesh rot, we are at last able to celebrate the return of our Most Excellent Queen Mother, The Sun. Raise your face to the sky, my esteemed friends! Mother will reward you with Divine Facial Moisture and grace you with refreshing Knee Pit Liquid. Nothing in life is sweeter than the scent of Mother’s Gifts. All is well, splendid student folk; our lives have been illuminated by the All-Powerful Science Orb. We must raise a raucous cheer of joy.
1. The Removal of Calf Cloth. No longer must we shroud our lower leg meat in secrecy. Our tender flesh must breathe anew. Release your unshaven shanks! Absorb Mother’s wide beams of love!
2. The Deployment of Facial Shields. Immense shame is brought unto those who look upon Mother directly and without discomfiture. Lowly Mud Creatures like ourselves must treat Mother with respect. We must obscure our own unworthy gaze or face punishment. The threat of Wintry Mix is nigh.
3. The Release of Celebratory Discs. Fine plastic rings are to be exchanged between all of Mother’s worthy children in praise of her Natural Gifts. Our skin suit will redden with excitement as Mother smiles upon us.
4. The Exposure of Brightly-Colored Lower Phalangeal Keratin. Should you choose to participate, Mother will see your decorated appendages and she will be pleased. We are but sacks of organic garbage; our bodies need adornment. We must celebrate what little chemical beauty Mother has allowed us to create.
5. The Watery Exodus. Come, friends. Let us make our pilgrimage to The Blue. Mother’s heat shrouds us, and even she recognizes our need for relief.