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It’s that time of year again; the searchable schedule is up, the emails are out, and pretty soon you’ve gotta register. You could go somewhere with good wifi (aka nowhere in lower Peirce), login early, and make sure you have at least 3 alternates. However, I think there might be a better option.

• After class, run to your room, make sure you’ve painted the walls all black. This step is important.
• Close the blinds, and you’re ready to begin. Try to ignore that nagging feeling that your parents would have a deep issue with what you’re about to do; this is what college is for.
• After picking your sacrifice, begin your chant. Slowly slip into the abyss. You are nothing. We are nothing. Where are we?
• When your roommate comes home, begin to circle them, hold your inverted cross to their face- do not give up
• Once they’ve joined you, remind them that it is their job to convert more people to satanism; no, this isn’t a pyramid scheme. This is real.
• You have successfully survived course registration