This weekend, it was a battle of good and evil, naughty versus nice, angel against devil. As the holiest weekend of the year clashes against the most sinful party Kenyon has to offer. No matter how sincerely you promised your Gangie a week ago to attend early morning Easter mass, you pretty much kissed that idea goodbye last night by 11:30.
However, time does march on, and as much as you’d like to have a time out (or maybe a re-do), Sunday always arrives whether we like it or not. Hopefully, you remembered before the festivities began to leave your basket outside for the Easter Bunny to come and work some of his chocolately magic. But be warned: to make a truly beautiful omlette, you’re gonna have to crack a few eggs. And considering the events of last night, you may find some other goodies in there besides eggshells, let alone anything individually wrapped with a candy-coated shell. These “goodies” are included but not limited to:
1. A pair of shoes What can ya do?? The song was just too dope and those heels were just too high. It’s not a surprise to find that a few slingbacks had been slung carelessly into your basket, because, when it’s all said and done, that beer-soaked folding table isn’t gonna dance on itself.
2. A student Apparently, the walk from Gund Commons to someone’s dorm was a little too arduous for some people. So, they decided to lay their tired, inebriated bones in the closest, most nest-like thing they could find.
3. A thong Good luck trying to return it to its owner when you can’t even narrow your options down to the gender of the person who was wearing it last night.
4. Any kind/number of bodily fluids This one doesn’t need spelling out. But in case it does: your easter basket + SYM —> chunder basket.
5. Matzah pizza Because a) believe it or not, it’s still Passover and b) it’ll be available all this week, courtesy of Hillel! Hope that boxed wine was kosher!