10 o’clock list: Things that Aren’t on the 2020 Plan

Makin' my way downtown...

Makin’ my way downtown…

The campus has been all aquiver with talk of President Decatur’s 2020 Plan. This plan promises thrills, chills, and hopefully the wills of some alumni. But no plan can be all-encompassing, and the 2020 Plan leaves out several crucial bits.
1. The possibility of Graham Gund’s death. Hopefully the master of Kenyon architecture is, in fact, immortal, but what if he dies? He is old, and we are all mere pockets of flesh sewn together for one dear breath on this planet before eternal sleep. With the amount of responsibility Kenyon has given him, we need him to stay with us.  Perhaps it is written into his will that an NCA becomes his tomb, where he lays sleeping in a glass casket, surrounded by the strangely white architecture that he so loved.

2. Our prescription changes. Liberal arts majors spend a lot of time reading small print in the dark. What happens when our eyes deteriorate? The 2018.5 plan doesn’t sound as snazzy, now does it?
3. An Army of Moles Attacks the School. On Gund’s master plan, there is mention of an underground parking lot. What it doesn’t mention is the possible rupture of mole society, which will then cause them to take up arms against the school, allying themselves with those whose vision has deteriorated for an army of near-blind mammals in a righteous battle against Kenyon College.

4. The Gund Gallery takes over campus but allows no students. Kenyon would then become an avant garde instillation art piece where people can walk around and interact with professors, but no one can get a degree.

5. Y2K + 20 happens. It’s still a possibility.

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