Kisses for komrades. Via deviantart.net

Today, rising seniors registered. Some rejoiced. Some cried. Rising juniors and sophomores, you’re next. As such, we thought it might be nice to know what you can’t register for next semester.

1. What’s the Deal With Feet? –Transnational Perspectives at the Heels of History. In this course we will explore the metric system as it is a metaphor for transnational conflicts concerning foot fetishism. This course is designed for first years. Pedicure of the instructor required. Apparently, if you pair this course with “Three Little Piggies: Writing Infantile Amusement,” you’ll be half way to a concentration in Poor Life Choices. Omg, so cool. But comps will have me with one foot in the grave. Ha ha ha hoo hoo ho-jesus christ.

2. A QR course that’s not designed for Jimmy Neutron. Frontiers of Gravity? Rocket Science? Good Nukes/ Bad Nukes? Solar Energy? I’ve got a better idea. Give me a jar full of M&Ms and I’ll guess how many are in there. Then I’ll eat them. Then you’ll give me a degree. Deal? Deal.

3. For Fuck’s Sake: Contemporary Trends In Sexual Behavior. Otherwise known as a case study of the Cove. Prerequisites: Junior or Senior standing. Or sitting. Or maybe lying down. Whatever you’re into.

4. Quest for Justine. Who is she? What happened to her? What kind of parent would name their child Justine? Plot twist: Plato doesn’t have the answer. Course offered when anticipation is overwhelming. Permission of the instructor required. 

5. AWAITING CPC APPROVAL. CPC. Hm. Oh yeah, Communist Party of Canada. Awaiting Communist Party of Canada Approval. Well send me to a factory and alienate me from my labor! I thought I was the only one! Friends of Karl! Comrades! You come ‘ere! Mua mua mua mua mua!