10 o’clock list: 4 and 1/2 Reasons Why Skorp is the New Blorp

skorpiscoming

Do you see it? Like a leviathan rising above the mist… it approaches. (photo via Kenyon College, edits via myself)

Is blorp over? Is skorp taking it’s place? The answer is yes. Here are some reasons why:

1. The change in the seasons Springtime is finally here, and so is skorp. As we all begin to transition to the new warmer weather, we shake off the blorp of winter to make room for the skorp of spring (and eventually, the thorp of summer!)

2. Ethics Recent investigations into the manufacturing process of blorp have revealed that 25% of each purchased blorp is actually made out of just plain old lorp. Angered by this deception, many blorp consumers have been making the switch to skorp, and have been very pleased with the more natural, socially responsible option. If you want to take it a step even further, contact a local skorp dealer to keep it local!

3. Paradigm shift Not so long ago, skorp was still heavily stigmatized, while support for blorp was virtually omnipresent. While blorp fans were allowed to flaunt their appreciation in public by openly blorping whenever they liked, skorp continued to be considered grounds for arrest and even incarceration in multiple US states. Everyone knows how messed up the American prison system is. Ever heard of a little TV show called Ororp is the New Blorp? Well, with the recent decriminalization of skorp, attitudes have begun to change, and I predict that, soon, skorp will be the new -orp of choice. Soon, blorp will be officially over, and one will be able to enjoy a skorp in public without fear of judgment. Huzzah!

4. Plorp Plorp borp norp, d’dorp yorp. Thorp korp zorp horp dlorp florp morp? Qorp!!!

4.5. It was inevitable Zayn quit 1D. Hillary’s running for prez. Skorp has finally eclipsed blorp. Is it not the natural way of the world? Did we not already see this coming? Bottom line: you can’t stop the skorp.

5 responses

  1. I cannot even hate on the writer or blame them for this piece. Whoever approved this should be fired. This is nonsense. Plorp Plorp borp norp, d’dorp yorp. Thorp korp zorp horp dlorp florp morp? Qorp!! where are the words

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