10 o’clock list: Best Classes to Attend While High

That’s right, everyone, tomorrow is 4/20. Here’s the thing- we’re a pretty studious bunch, so we don’t want to miss our classes. But we’re also pretty cool and hip, so we don’t want to disgrace such an important yearly holiday for our generation. It’s important to choose your spring semester classes keeping this important day in mind. If you messed up and didn’t sign up for any of these classes, it’s ok. There’s always next year. Unless you’re a senior- then you just pick a job that meets the same criteria as these cool and chill/chill and cool pedagogical extravaganzas.

1. PHYS 335: Optics

Just think about it. You’re blitzed, sitting in a dark room, and suddenly, a laser shoots out of nowhere. Your professor comes up from the back of the class and starts talking about waves, electromagnetism, refraction. Your mind does somersaults, your eyes are glistening red with the radiant light of that laser, and everything is pretty chill. Honestly I always kind of want to play with lasers, but doing it after an herbal refreshment sounds heavenly.

2. MUSC 344: Level III Recorder Lessons

The stage is dark, the opera house is silent. A single spotlight suddenly shines, a perfect circle of light reveals me sitting on stage. The audience tenses, breath held. I sit, eyes reddened, and raise my alto recorder. A perfectly arranged, masterful rendition of Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre’s critically acclaimed single “The Next Episode” creeps slowly from my instrument. Cherubim weep, and their gold glistening tears fall from the heavens into the hearts of my fans. Mothers clutch their children with tender love kindled by the sweet sounds of my recorder skills. As the song ends, the crowd silently mouths along with the poetic final words: “smoke weed everyday”. No one dares move. I stand. “I did it for the love. I did it… for the bud,” I whisper into the microphone. The crowd erupts, jumping to their feet, throwing perfectly rolled blunts and tiny nugs to me as I take a 5 minute, 90 degree bow.

3. PHIL 225: Existentialism

Because what is the meaning of life, bro? What does it mean? If a forest falls in an empty tree, does it make any taste?

4. ANTH 320: Anthropology of Food

I… do I even need to explain this?

5. DANC 108: Beginning Modern Dance

I choreographed this dance myself. It’s more interpretive, I suppose. I call it, “THC”. It stands for “Total Honest Contrition”. You see, when I do this step, it symbolizes how sorry I am for coming to this class high.

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