NO, THIS IS PATRICK. (via flavorwire.com)

Editor’s note: This post has been ghostwritten by Catherine Collison ’18 on behalf of her significantly cooler, arguably grosser alter ego, Treen Collens ’16. Also – Cath thinks tats are cool, and especially ones that have sentimental attachment attached to them. She would love to see yours. Honestly, please show her yours. Doesn’t matter when, doesn’t matter where on your body, she respects the fact that you got ’em and wants to see ’em. She bets they’re dope and meaningful. In short, all tattoos appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real tattoos, regretted or non-regretted, is purely coincidental.

Yes, yes, shh, shut up, the rumors are true – Treen here, and I’m finally back on the Hill after my amaaazzing semester abroad spent hiking all across Eastern Europe!! Well, more like quarter abroad. Or month abroad. Two weeks abroad. Actually, it was 9 days, and it was less like hiking and more like showing up without reservations to various luxury youth hostels across the Balkan Peninsula, and then getting kicked us out because we were either like “intimidatingly hot” or “disturbing the other tenants with our shrill, godless voices and suspiciously long amounts of time spent hanging out in the unisex bathrooms”. I can’t remember one which it was.

Anyway, after a couple months of just hanging out, staying in staying in various airbnb‘s/friend’s houses around Bushwick, I’m ready to come back to Kenyon and show all y’all pleebs how ~worldly~ I am now. What better way to do this than to get tatted the eff up?? Honestly, I’m not gonna be twenty-one forever, and because of that, I want to prove to people that I definitely once was. Here’s some ideas that I’ve been thinking about for a while, if you’re cool maybe you should like help me choose one of them or something, I dunno, it’s like, so low key, like, I’m so chill it hurts, ja feel?

Idea #1: The Literary Quote

This is from a book that was really important to me growing up: “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs“. Also my nickname was Meatball in high school, but I’m not explaining why ’cause it’s still too early for me to laugh about it.

Idea #2: The School Spirit

Okay, so I see a lot of people getting the Kenyon crest inked on them, which is cool and all, but I think it’s just a little too norm-core so I have to do something different. I did a bit of research and found out that Kenyon actually does have a mascot: the Lord. The only thing is that I would have to be careful where I put this one because he does have have a much more beguiling facial expression than mine and I don’t want him to take eye contact away from me.

Idea #3: The Ass Tat

I wanted to get something artful but not too cerebral, so this actually just says “ass tat” in Chinese characters. Understated.

Idea #4: The Selfie

If I were going to get anyone who means a lot to me tattooed on my body, it would have to be me, because no relationships in life can be completely depended on, except for the relationship between your sick body and your sexy face. To commemorate my trip, I’d love to be able to have one of my travel pictures turned into a tat, so here’s a snap I took at a hostel before we were gently asked/legally required to leave the EU and never come back.

 pic of me hanging out in some dumb-ass hostel somewhere in bulgaria.jpg

Idea #5: The Self-Esteem Booster

Because sometimes I just need a little reminder that, no matter how much of a bobo I feel like, I will always and forever be a kween.

Idea #6: The Obvious Choice

(via d-uh.com)

Honestly not sure where I would put this one, but considering how many there are to choose from and how much I love them, I was thinking maybe doing sleeves. I’ll let you guys know what I’m feelin’.