The Friday Ketchup


It’s the penultimate week of the semester, which means that as the leaves begin to bloom on the trees and flowers peak up from their earthly burrows, our schoolmates will begin to depart across the globe, turning the Kenyon community into an overlapping web of car trips and plane flights and long-distance relationships connected by beautifully yearning hearts, leaving behind a quiet campus that always waits for them to return; stately upon the hill it sits, a never-fading beacon beckoning all those who wish to broaden their minds and become the Whole Human- citizens of the world with ever-hungry intellects seeking the answers to the great questions that dare be raised only by individuals such as them, unafraid of the terror they may find, because they know solving the grand puzzle becomes ever-more urgent as the day begins to fade and dim for humanity. The moon is rising, do you see it? It’s the Friday Ketchup.

On Thursday, the Chilean volcano Calbuco again erupted, marking the third such event in the past week. The volcano had been dormant for four decades prior to last weeks awakening. I just have one question for the Chileans- what are you doing to piss off the volcano god so much? Whatever it is, you should stop doing that, because it is pretty easy to see that the dude is fuming mad. Do you like having ash rained down on you from above? At this point all you’re doing is hurt your home resale value. Stop sinning so much.

In the world of sports, the first round of the NFL Draft took place on Thursday night, meaning 32 former college football stars can finally disclose income they receive from athletic activities to the IRS. No more hiding that money under the mattress for them! Jameis Winston, a quarterback from Florida State, was taken first overall in the draft by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Winston will look to reverse the fortunes of Buccaneers franchise, which went 2-14 last year. He will also attempt to make as much money as possible before the massive amount of physical abuse his body will take over the course of his career forces him to retire a bruised and broken shell of his former Adonis-like self.

Do you see the moon now? It peaks its head over the treetops, chasing the sun’s warmth from our skins. We can still push back the great Luna and the death she brings, though. As Kenyon students, we can be the ones who transcend humanity to save it. The final tolls of the bell have not yet rung, and we can reset the clock if we use our liberal arts education to think deeply and become the Übermenschen that will save humanity from itself and the horrors it created through history. Stare not into the abyss, my friends, but overcome it!

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