Overheard at Kenyon: Goodbyes, Misunderstandings, and, As Always, Poop

Pictured: Adirondack chairs on Ransom Lawn enjoying a weekly bonding sesh, swapping anti-rot tips and bitching about how overrated the Middle Path benches are. (photo via Richard Gilbert)

  •  An Enthusiastic Adderall User: “Don’t worry about me, I am the master of balancing my business schedule with my party schedule. They used to call me ‘Mullet’ in high school.”
  • An Already Nostalgic Quest Student: “I don’t mean this to be funny, but when I went to her office hours to turn in my final paper, I’m serious, it got pretty tender.”

  • Mr. Keeping-it-Surprisingly-Real: “To skip my last class for that course would be like taking a huge shit on a semester of work that I did… which would just be like a double-decker pile of poop, because I only turned in absolute bullshit for that class.”
    •  (2 minutes later) Mr. Poop-Sandwich-Chef-Extraordinaire: “Yeah, I’m not going to that class.”
  • A Confused Meadowlane Partygoer: “Man, mad respect to whoever’s hosting this thing, I’m never this ballsy when I housesit.”
  • An Out-of-The-Loop Grandma/Hilarious Master of Wordplay: “New-Man Day? So that’s what, like a bar mitzvah or something?”
  • A Blunt (And I Mean Both In The Sense Of Being Truthful And Also Being Monumentally Stoned) Underclassman: “The seniors must be so sad, but, you know, it’s not like they didn’t see it coming… you know, like, “Class of 2015″ – those are some seriously unfudgeable numbers.”
  • You, Reading This Right Now: “(sudden, quiet realization of the terrifying reality that your procrastination has now reached the point that you’d literally rather read the Thrill than study for your finals)

  Happy studying!

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