This year I’ve had the fortune of living in the first-year quad. You know, the place where people throw frisbees and sometimes sit on top of picnic tables, full of youthful exuberance and Keystone Light? And while I’m happy to be living across campus next semester (sorry Caples nerds) there are some things I’ll miss about this *first year exclusive* living experience.
1) The eight small manservants. I know change isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but Kenyon just won’t feel the same next year without an extremely small butler waiting for me around every corner with a drink and a winning smile. Who is going to pick the mites off my skin and eat them now? I’ll sure miss those guys.
2) The indoor cheese pit. It’s hard being a first year. It gets lonely. Whenever I was having a bad night, it was always a comfort to climb through the tiny metal hatch under the vending machine and sink into a bubbling pool of gorgonzola. I never felt alone there, mostly because I was always surrounded by rodents.
3) The beetle racing. When I arrived here last August, I was prepared to work hard academically, but I had no idea that I would become such an effective insect handler! College is all about creating yourself, and I created a tiny racetrack in my dorm room for my beetle babies. They are my children, my beautiful spawn, and to me that’s a quintessential Kenyon experience!
4) The free Honda Civics. While I already knew Kenyon people were friendly, I was overwhelmed at orientation when each of my hallmates and I were handed the keys to our very own beige Honda Civics! I squealed in glee and scampered down to the parking lot, where a clydesdale trampled the car into dust with its powerful haunches. I love college.
5) The natural light. Not all dorm rooms got this perk, but I was lucky enough to snag a room with windows facing north. That way, every morning I was awoken by the piercing lavender rays of the Mouldywarp star. Praise Be, Praise Be.
i am going to miss ur articles so much this summer <3
petition for thekenyonthrill.com to be replaced by only carolyns posts PLEASE