So my mom says she blames herself for this problem I’ve developed. As a youthful teenager I was not allowed to dye my hair because it would “be ruined” and “fall out” or something totally crazy like that. So, the minute I got to college my freshman year, one of the first things I did was buy a box of “pink fetish” Splat hair dye complete with a bottle of bleach. My friends and I did it together and it went a little something like this:

Basically we made a mess, ruined our shirts, and there was pink dye all over the floor for many weeks. I would like to take this time to issue an official apology to maintenance for consistently making your job a lot harder. You guys really are saints and we don’t deserve you.

My hair is no longer pink, but after that I started regularly dyeing my hair blonde which is almost worse because holy bleach batman.

So, here are some tips from a bottle blonde:

• PROP OPEN A DOOR IF YOU ARE USING BLEACH OR ELSE YOU WILL SUFFOCATE AND DIE- Seriously guys this stuff is nasty (and probably not good for your hair, but if you’ve gotten this far, like me, you don’t care)
• WEAR OLD CLOTHES THAT YOU WANT TO RUIN- You can try to be careful. It won’t work. Trust me.
• WEAR GLOVES: I feel like this is self-evident, but your fingers will stain if you get dye on them. Also do not touch bleach with your bare hands. I feel like this is obvious but then again someone in my dorm last year almost burned down McBride because they forgot to add water to easy mac. So you never know.
• BE CAREFUL IN YOUR DYE APPLICATION- because the first time I did it my neck was pink for weeks.
• PLZ DONT STAIN THE FLOOR- Don’t be an idiot like I was.
• BUY SOME “OH SHIT” DYE- If you are dyeing your whole head, buy a box of dye in your natural hair color to have on hand in case you really mess up. No one wants to take a trip of shame to Walmart.