Prospie Legends: What I Thought Kenyon Would Actually be Like

OMG CAN’TTTT WAIIIITTTTTTTTTTT!! (via shiawisdom.com)

Having an older sibling attend Kenyon before me, the college has been a part of my life long before I had the pleasure of meeting any sort of Forbes or Fiske’s.  Although I grew up in a college town, visiting my brother as a sophomore, junior, and senior in high school were my first real interactions with formalized education as an institution/no parents, No Rules. I managed, over a period of a few years, to visit for probably a solid (non-consecutive) week-and-a-half. This also means that I never have been on an official, honest to goodness, prospective-students-come-bring-ya-parents-you-can-hold-this-Kenyon-themed-umbella-if-it’s-raining campus tour. So therefore, my knowledge of Kenyon before coming was extensive if not extremely specific and incredibly subjective to my brothers’ activities on campus. So here are some of the things I took for granted as being 100% true of absolutely ALL Kenyon students as a prospie.

  • There is no side but New Side. Not tryna start a turf war, I just legitimately had no idea that Old Side even existed. Too bad, actually, I would have LOVED that shit; I went through my natural second wave of Potter Fever my sophomore year of high school (it’s cyclical).
  • Peirce food is amazing. So many OPTIONS!! Fusion? Comfort?? No accountability for whether or not I’m eating 5 servings of vegetables a day??? DESSERT AVAILABLE AT EVERY MEAL????
  • Everyone lives in a New Apt. And if you don’t live in one, you live south in an Old Apt. Also, it’s spelled “New Apps”. So many apps Kenyon finna be the new Applebees!!!!
  • Getting coffee at Wiggins every morning is perfectly reasonable, and both time and cost effective. It’s really not.
  • Blackout Blackout is an annual holiday at Kenyon, observed by the College itself. Ok, this one I wish was actually true. I was visiting one weekend when a huge thunderstorm happened that knocked the power out campus-wide, or at least in all the residential buildings. I was heartened to see how the student population rallied and turned the bad weather and lack of electricity into basically a theme party in which people guided themselves from NCA to NCA, pub-crawl style, by only the flashlights on their phones and the fun-loving spirit in their hearts. The power actually came back on after a few hours, but everyone was having so much fun dancing in the dark to music playing off of portable speakers that we just kept ’em all off, all night. I was fifteen and a half years old then; I will still maintain to this very day that that was one of the top three nights I’ve ever had at Kenyon.
  • The bench outside the Hill Theater is like a cool place to hang out. Who??? Where???? (Shoutout to the Class of 1907 tho)

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