Battle Royale: The Mac and Cheese of the Village

nsfw

It’s late. It’s windy. You’re cold, hungry, and maybe a little drunk. You’re ready for a good snack, but the family size salt and vinegar chips aren’t doing it for you tonight. You want something warm. You immediately think: cheese. But warm cheese. Warm cheese on noodles. Warm cheese on little tiny curved noodles. You have a moment of clarity and think: where? Should you wait 45 minutes for wedges from the Cove? Or should you slum it and steal a pack of easy mac from your roommate? The questions begin to pile up. You become overwhelmed and just decide to call it a night. You fall asleep with an empty stomach and a withering sense of purpose.

You’ll never have this problem ever again. We fought the good fight, tasted every single type of mac and cheese on this campus, and come to you with the definitive ranking of best m&c this village has to offer. We (namely, I) call it, the Tour de Mac and Cheese. Below are our findings.

Market: Kraft Mac and Cheese $1.54

Menu writes: nothing because it is a plastic cup of uncooked noodles and powder

Reactions: It’s purely the taste of home. The mixture of boiled water and noodles probably made in 2009 take me back to elementary school and crayons. I feel like I should be eating play-doh with this as a side order. If we’re measuring based on nostalgia, this one wins. But also it’s water-y, salty, and awful. So, no.

The Village Inn: Mac n’ Cheese $9.75 (add grilled chicken for $2)

Menu writes: Cavatappi tossed with andouille sausage, caramelized onions and sautéed red peppers in smoked gouda cream sauce.

Reactions: What the heck! This stuff is good! I could eat a bowl of this and be very happy with myself. The flavors combine into a big bowl of glory. I would love this hungover on a Sunday. But also, I would love this every single day ever. I’m serving this at my wedding. Mark my words.

The Cove (The Gambier Grill): Mac & Cheese Wedges $4.99

Menu writes: Do they even have a menu (edit: yeah they do it’s a PDF, and it’s insane to read sober)

Reactions: Oh I missed you sweet sweet wedges. These don’t even deserve to stay on this list because they stand in a league of their own of fried victory. Warning: don’t eat these sober, because they will ruin your life. Not sure if I should deduct or add points for their goodness only existing after midnight. Jury is still out.

 Peirce: Mac and Cheese “free”*

Menu writes: Nothing because it is Peirce

Reactions: Salty salty salty. They have fairly good texture to the noodle, but the cheese is way too chunky. Something about this makes me feel like I’m going to be dehydrated for a week. I suggest adding a little Sriracha to the plate for optimal taste potential. Note that if you do choose to do this, you will receive very polarizing reactions from your table-mates. Solution: avoid sitting with anyone during this meal. It’s better this way.

*see: tuition

 

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