The Friday Ketchup


Well, it’s fall break. Yupp, it’s time for autumn to take a long weekend away from us because it’s been working so darn hard. For four days we’ll have weather without the season to look after it, and it’s quite the weather, let me tell you. Unseasonably warm? You betcha. Feels too cold for October? It could definitely happen. Giant ocean waves? You never know. When autumn’s away, the weather will play, as the saying going. It’s the Friday Ketchup.

California passed legislation this week making sex education mandatory for public school students in grades 7-12. All public schools will now have to teach sexual health as well as HIV prevention, which was previously the only required topic. Why do we need to teach kids how to have sex? All they need to know is sex is gross and they should stay away from it. Maybe show them some pictures of people who have had sex so they can see what it does to your body. I’ve never even touched a woman and look how well I’m doing now. They can learn about sex after they have kids.

A man who said he was “too high” on marijuana called the police in Austintown, Ohio this week. The man was discovered on his floor in the fetal position surrounded by various snack foods. This event just further highlights the danger the Devil’s lettuce poses to our youths today. Far too often I seen people saying pot is “harmless” because it “comes from nature.” Well do you know what else comes from nature? Bears. Bears are as “all natural” as it gets. Jazz cigarettes are just as dangerous as bears, so keep your friend away from them before someone gets hurt.

Alright, I hope you’re all caught up now. You’ll have the next few days to reflect upon all that stuff you just learned up there. Make sure you synthesize that info into your brain, because you never know when you’re going to need it. Maybe there’ll be a pop quiz. Maybe not. No one can say for sure either way, but I sure wouldn’t want to get caught not knowing this stuff. That would be embarrassing.

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