We like to stay pretty competitive here at The Thrill, and a Blog Off is one way we can definitively prove that one of us is objectively a better blogger (dare we say, a better person). So we leave it to you, the reader, to decide in a blind taste test who is really better as we square off on various topics. This time around, we have Harry Kalish ’18 and Kenda Tucker ’18, two sophomores battling it out RE: The DKE Bullseye versus The AD Bullseye. Who will come out on top? Only you can decide.
It’s easier to say that the DKE bullseye is the superior bullseye only because it is one syllable shorter than saying AD bullseye. Besides the verbal standpoint, in every other way shape, or beer the AD bullseye takes the cake. The DKE bullseye has a cache to it. Everybody (freshmen) and their Mom (freshmen moms) goes to the DKE bullseye when there is nothing better to do on a given Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday night. But who wants to go to the shitty Times Square restaurant where the waiters and waitresses sing, when there’s a delicious and affordable, hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant in a way cooler neighborhood. Call me crazy, but like the great Robert Frost, I like to take the road less travelled by, and that is why I believe in the greatness that is the AD bullseye.
The AD bullseye has a lot to offer besides beer. They also got that sweet OG good good. Y’know what I’m talking about. That stinky stank. That mmmmmmm yeaaa baby! That “Hey do you wanna smoke?” “Nah man I ain’t about that life.” “Same, I don’t toke either.” “Oh, dude I was kidding.” “Oh haha. Do you wanna hit this?” “Yeah.”
There’s also of course Sensei. If you are not familiar with his highness, he is the sole resident of the AD Bullseye. This rugger is as smart as he is kind and is as drunk as he is high. If you venture up to his lair he will welcome you with open arms because that’s the kind of guy he is.
On a more sentimental note, I met one of my closest friends at the AD bullseye my freshman year. We were playing stack cup together and he put his cup in mine and although I knew I should’ve felt sad, I was laughing and smiling because he was doing the same. We spent the rest of night talking to each other and laughing. When I left the that night he told me to come back to the AD bullseye anytime I like. And guess what?! I didn’t. But I plan to.
Anyway, fuck DKE Bullseye. Thank you.
It’s Saturday night, your bloodstream full of various legal and not legal substances, you’re ready to go – but where? That cool NCA party you were invited to was shut down and there’s really not anything else going on… plus, it’s too early to hang out in your room eating Cove. So where do you go? The answer is clearly DKE Bullseye.
If you’re a fucking nerd, maybe you don’t know what the Bullseye is. The DKE Bullseye is where dreams come true. It’s the happiest place on earth, and it’s there for you every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday night. The Delta Kappa Epsilon brothers of Kenyon College so kindly offer their living spaces to you, overflowing with cold beers and good times and mysteriously stained carpets.
If you’re feeling particularly dance-y, you can go hang out in the Bullseye itself. The perfectly curated music promises nonstop bumpin’ tunes, while the pong table in the middle lends itself to some sick speculation. And those desks? Yeah, you can dance on ‘em! What’s even better is that you can actually witness performance art every night, what with the freshmen making out in the corner. It’s even interactive! You too can take part!
And, AND, the Bullseye actually doubles as a sauna! You’ll never have to walk to the KAC again! All that sweat just evaporates into the air and lucky lil’ you gets to reap the benefits. Incredible.
And no night is complete without some adrenaline rush – the nightly “Get in a room and close the door!” screeches remind you of what it’s like to take part in underage drinking in residence halls, in case you already forgot the feeling.
Last but not least, you can top off what could only be called the best night of your life with a rousing rendition of Wagon Wheel! Who doesn’t love that song! Do the ADs even pretend to have a closing song? I bet not, because they never even throwdown anyway.