The Friday Ketchup


Hey, do you ever not get much sleep for a few days in a row and start feeling really funny? Like almost like you’re drunk or something? You know, everything seems really funny, and you stop making sense and can’t walk straight and time stands still and you can see to eternity and all there is is nothingness and a deep void beckoning for you to come closer and you walk closer until you fall into the void and now your life is an eternity in the void? Yeah, I’m that kind of tired. It’s the Friday Ketchup.

The Mormon Church announced a new policy disallowing children of gay couples from getting blessed as babies or baptized until they are 18. After they turn 18, these children can be baptized if they denounce same-sex cohabitation.

Ah this is just like how that one song goes- “Jesus loves all the little children (except for the ones who happen to have gay parents)”. There’s also that story where Jesus goes and meets with the leper, except the leper tells him he has a gay dad, so Jesus was like, “I was gonna heal you, but not now. Lol, see ya later, loser.” The word of God for the people of God. Thanks be to God.

Joe’s Crab Shack became the first major restaurant chain to institute a no tipping policy. The restaurant hopes to improve staff retention and quality of service while also claiming the move will cheapen the price of a meal for customers.

Well, this is just another move towards making America more like Europe. Why can’t we just be America? At this point we might as well just pick up and move over there. Just take the entire country and move it across the ocean. I thought we fought the Revolutionary War so we wouldn’t have to be European, but I guess not. What’s next, universal health care?

So that was the Friday Ketchup. It’s done now.

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