The Friday Ketchup


It’s the last week of classes, kids. That means next week we’ll have finals. How will we do? Will we pass them? I sure hope so, and I bet you do, too. Finals sure seem important, but you should also remember the little things, like how if you get a bad grade in that one elective you’ll probably never get a good job and then everyone will think you’re a failure and no one will like you and you’ll die alone. No pressure, though. It’s the Friday Ketchup.

Cleveland announced this week it will ban the sale of all tobacco products to those under the age of 21. The City Council voted 13-3 to pass the new legislation, which includes e-cigarettes as well as traditional tobacco products.

Here we go again. Mr. Big Government is getting all up in people’s business. Are you telling me that a kid who can vote for Donald Trump 2016– Make America Great Again– now can’t buy a dang cigarette? Babe Ruth smoked tobacco, and he’s a goddang American hero. If I want to fill my lungs up with cancerous chemicals that go up to my brain and grab me by the neurons to make me addicted, affecting not only my own health but that of those around me, I should be allowed to do so. My body, my choice, dang it.

The podcast Serial, which became a minor media sensation during its first season last year, returned on Thursday with a new season. Season two covers the disappearance of Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl in Afghanistan. Bergdahl, who the Army was recovered from the Taliban in 2014, could potentially face life in prison for abandoning his post back in 2009.

I don’t understand the appeal of podcasts. Sure, I guess they can tell stories or whatever, but that doesn’t make them special. Do you know what else can tell stories? That’s right, television. On TV, you can see the stuff happen so you don’t have to think as much. Plus, I get to watch all the commercials for the medicines I need to ask my doctor about. So get back to me when you’re on TV and sponsored by Zoloft, Serial.

Why are you still reading? You should be studying. If you’re still here, though, I’ll tell you my favorite song of the year. Are you ready for it? The answer may surprise you.

The Friday Ketchup Song of the Year:


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