The First-ever, but Now Annual, Bread-lympics
Young adults LOVE food culture. They won’t shut up about their party snacks. They love pizza, cheetos, wasabi peas, seaweed, you NAME it. We’re here to bring you the guide to your next favorite ~snack. Sandwiches. You can call them anything, sandwiches, sandoozles, sammies, adam sandlers. The most important choice you have when creating your sammie is the breaaaaaaaaad. That’s right. We tasted all the breads in Peirce so you don’t have to. You’re welcome. We asked one of the worst wordsmiths of our time to taste and describe these breads. So none of this is helpful, but it’s still here. Below is a full guide composed of flavor notes, texture, and overall zing factor. Let’s roll (sourdough roll that is).
Raw: pleasantly soft, spongy-like material of tempur-pedic, tastes like the sandwiches from elementary school that my mom used to make me love you mom!, also strong notes of sawdust, and pottery barn.
Toasted: “This is like the truth, the toasting takes out the bad flavors! It’s nice” Like a great italian pizza! None of this makes sense but Harry is trying hard.
Raw: very dry, stale, tastes like sand without the salt, like someone made a cake with no sugar. Tastes like general disappointment.
Toasted: He shrugs, that’s it.
Honey Wheat (maybe?)
Raw: Tastes like an amish wedding (will this alienate our amish readers), the oates on the top of it….didn’t even finish this description because the bread was so boring.
Toasted: This one is very burnt (note from the editor: this is rude), any flavor it did have has now been killed by the toaster. Disappointed (another note from the editor: weird that you had such high stakes for Honey Wheat).
Raw: melts in your mouth! But it still tastes like matzah-that-has-risen (our taste tester is jewish if you did not notice already)
Toasted: He grimaces. He does not like it. He is difficult to work with.
Raw: Harry was not excited to eat this one. He says it’s a disgrace to an attempt at a jewish deli’s rye. It’s a very obvious “protestant’s best attempt to appeal to the Jewish people.” Yikes!
Toasted: He knows it immediately. He loves it. L’chaim!