Hey campers, welcome back to Kenyon. I hope you all had a good break and are ready to get back at it! Unfortunately, the beach volleyball court has been closed until further notice due to inclement weather. Also, sometime between Christmas and New Years a roving band of Canadians took over the New Apt tennis court and turned it into a hockey rink, but as long as people stay away from it nothing bad should happen; the Canadians are completely harmless unless you try to take their Tim Bits away. It’s the Friday Ketchup.

On Wednesday, former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin endorsed of Republican presidential candidate and noted hair product connoisseur Donald Trump. The endorsement came as somewhat of a surprise, as Palin tends to present herself as a values conservative similar to Ted Cruz, another Republican presidential hopeful. Palin’s seal of approval may help Trump with voters uncertain of his conservative bona fides.

The Palin endorsement was also notable for the former Alaskan governor’s bizarre mannerisms and strange choice of words:

I for one don’t see the issue with the way Palin talks here. She’s clear just spitting some bars from her upcoming mixtape, Straight Outta Fairbanks (Alaska, Don’t Cha Know). It is sure to be a banger.

In sports news, the NFL Playoffs are set to continue this coming weekend, as the New England Patriots take on the Denver Broncos for the AFC Championship, while the Arizona Cardinals will travel to Charlotte, North Carolina to face the Carolina Panthers. The two winners will face off in Super Bowl 50 on February 7.

It will be exciting to see who among these four teams has the guts and Cortisone shots needed to win it all. I for one look forward to these men acting like gladiators out there, which should happen barring the referees getting in the way with their wussy “rules,” talking about “player safety.” The sport of football has nearly been ruined by the overzealous helicopter parent generation worried about things like “concussions” and “irreversible brain trauma.” All that sounds like to me is a bunch of whiny babies who could never do what these warriors of the gridiron do– put their lives on the line for a chance at fleeting glory, non-guaranteed contracts, and astonishingly short careers. If that’s what they’re worried about, then they should just leave the country.

Alright, that’s the Friday Ketchup.