Market Wine Taste-Testing


the boys are back in town

Once every blue moon, those of us in the 21-89 age bracket here at The Thrill enjoy taking our shoes off, playing “On This Hilltop” on loop, and drinking things that make us feel different afterwards. If cheap beer  doesn’t do it for you, fret not. We’ve got your back, Jack. For every king of beer there is a duchess of wine, and we reviewed some of the cheapest reds and whites available at Gambier’s own Village Market so you don’t have to! Put on your seat belts and pack a toothbrush in your purse, because you’re on a one-way ticket to Fermented Grape City, USA.


Young and Hungry

Gallo Family Pinot Grigio – $8.99

full disclosure: this wine was actually purchased at Kroger’s

“I don’t smell anything.”

“It has a citrusy fume. A mix of citrus and plastic”

“It doesn’t make me go ‘ughhh’ so I  guess it’s ok. I could see  myself mainlining this for like an hour.”

“It’s very light, almost like water.I could put it into a water bottle and just suck it down.”

“I would like to put it on record that this bottle is a Big Boy.”

“This would go great with any noodle-based substance, especially Thai food. Or mac n cheese.”

“This is really clear. Unusually clear. Pro tip: put it in a water bottle and take it to Sendoff.”

Cheap Red Wine – $7.25

“It smells full-bodied.”

“It does not smell full-bodied. Half-bodied, tops.”

“I’m smelling KAC.”

“I’m getting peppers.”

“Definitely scents of sweat.”

“This smells like a vintage wrestler.” pauses, sips. “It also tastes like a vintage wrestler.”

“It’s smooth, but it’s bad.”

“It stays here” gestures vaguely at throat.

“It’s like a full meal. ”

“Would pare well with a Papa John pizza. Not Domino’s.”

“Tastes like a salad dressing.”

“I thought it was okay before but then I got a whiff of it and oh no.”

“Definitely a KAC gym mat.”

Villa Sorono – $8.25

“It smells fruity.”

“Like apples, kind of. But apple fruit snacks, not real apples.”

“Banana scent?”

“I love it. This is probably my favorite so far.”

“It’s pretty mild.”

“It’s tugging on my tongue, but not my heart.”

“This would go so well with Sourpatch kids.”

“Anything to feel alive. All things that’ll hurt my taste buds.”

“This would pair well with that Bookstore dried pineapple.”

120 Cabernet Sauvignon – $8.50

“It smells like the other [red] one except more grapes.”

“I want a good meal with it.”

“I am forever young, forever hungry.”

“It smells less like gym mat than the other red wine, but still a little like gym mat.”

“When I drink red wine, I  become very cruel.”

“I’m getting hints of rotting corpse. Like if I licked a mausoleum.”

“It makes my mouth dry and my tongue chalky.”

“I just expected more.”

Crane Lake Riesling – $5.25

“It smells a little sugary.”

“It’s very sweet. Which is very characteristic of a Riesling.”

“Kinda smells like a sink.”

“Smells more like a doled-down air freshener to me. Or a Yankee candle.”

“It tastes like flavored lip gloss from Victoria’s Secret.”

“The taste and the smell are really different from one another.”

“I’m tasting flowers now. Pansies.”

“I would drink a bottle of this on my way to Peirce.

The Decisions:

BEST: Riesling and Gallo Family Pinot Grigio”

WORST: Cheap Red Wine

Have any other beverages you want us to try and review? Let us know in the comments! And of course, remember that drinking under the age of 21 is SO UNCOOL that it’s illegal to even do it. Be safe and have fun!

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