Here’s the deal. The February gloom is chipping away at your soul, and not just because you never fully learned how to pronounce February. Your resolution-filled hope for the new year has disappeared into a muddy and/or icy puddle on Middle Path. You’ve started drenching your eggs in hot sauce just to feel something. As you spiral rapidly towards rock bottom, have no fear! The Thrill is here to provide you with the best places to hit your lowest. Hobble over to one of these five locations and be your worst self!
- The post office. There are already so many reasons to hit rock bottom in the post office! Perhaps the post office lost the menstrual cup you finally decided to order. Perhaps you can’t stop impulse-buying moisturizers from Sephora. Perhaps you’re just too damn shy to buy stamps. For whatever reason, hitting rock bottom in the Post Office is not the worst thing you could do. Gather your 6th package of lotion this month and go on your merry way!
- The peanut butter table on old side. This little table is isolated enough that you can go relatively unnoticed until someone points out that you’ve been peanut-buttering the same piece of toast for 20 minutes. Plus, peanut butter is a tricky enough substance that no one will be sure if you’re very passionate about spreading it evenly or just screaming.
- The section of the bookstore where they sell baby clothes. It is a universally acknowledged truth that if one stays in a location that sells baby apparel, one becomes more likely to encounter a baby. Unless you’re a lizard person, seeing a baby is bound to raise your spirits as well as quiet the dirges echoing from your body as you pray for death.
- In line for the Comfort station in Peirce. What better place to hit rock bottom than in a group of vaguely familiar 18-22 year olds as you all wait for the latest form of fried potato?! The chatter in the Servery will drown out the sounds of your wails. If anyone asks what’s wrong, just explain you’re really passionate about the missing dishes, grab a fist full of tater tots and get the hell out of there!
- Literally anywhere in the library. Go ahead, you’ve probably done it here before.