10 o’clock list: Things that Make Me Uncomfy
- Eye contact. Eyes are the window to the soul. However, when the entire student body looks like they’re one breakdown away from evaporating into a cloud of Flaming Hot Cheeto dust, it makes the soft smiles on Middle Path a little more unsettling.
- Having hands. No one wants to watch a grown man wrestle with a mitten in order to keep his phalanges nice and toasty. Do me a favor, look down at your fingers right now. Think about how crazy they look. If one body part was going to gain sentience and murder you, it would be those little fingeys!!
- When your bagel gets stuck on the bagel slicer blade/anything that could go wrong at the bagel station. If you’re at the bagel station in Peirce, you’re likely there because you’re looking for the easiest route to nutriment. However, little did you know that you’ll be engaging in the Waltz of 1000 College students as everyone attempts to navigate the treacherous waters of gluten, butter, and desperation.
- The moment after a class ends when everyone is standing around silently putting their coats on. Nothing is more uncomfortable than standing around a discussion table with academic acquaintances as you all wrestle with various warm-weather essentials. The only things stopping all 8-15 of you from dead sprinting out the door are those Michelin Man costumes.
- Squirrels. They know too much.
- “Kenyon is Not Near Uganda” shirts
- The phrase “winter wonderland”
- Yelling at people you don’t realize have their headphones on