The Friday Ketchup


You look into the mirror and an unfamiliar face stares back at you. Bloodshot eyes. Greasy, unkempt hair. A bit of dried drool sits on your lower lip. You’re not entirely sure what day it is, though you’re not sure it even matters. Sleep seems like a long-forgotten dream now. All you can think of is the Hobbesian state. You fear a life that is nasty, brutish, and short, so you give away your liberty to the Leviathan, all for a little safety. Sure, he can take away everything, but at least you aren’t getting torn apart in the wild. Look at yourself, though. You’re a mess. A slob. A broken soul slouching along in a decaying body. Maybe Nietzsche was right about liberalism. You’re the last man. The Übermensch never came. The slave morality has crushed your soul and all you desire is a little comfort. You sigh and leave the bathroom. It’s comps week. It’s the Friday Ketchup.


Last Saturday, Jeb Bush ended his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination. Bush, who was once considered a frontrunner for the nomination, failed to gain any real momentum compared to louder, more extreme candidates such as Donald Trump and Ted Cruz. He announced his decision after a sixth-place finish in the South Carolina primary.

I feel bad for Jeb. He had a deep sadness behind his eyes, like he didn’t want to be running for president. He reminded me of the kid who hated baseball, but whose dad forced him to play Little League anyways. You know the one. He’d strike out every time he went up to the plate, and could barely even throw the ball, but week in and week out he’d show up to the games, ready to humiliate himself again while his dad stewed angrily in the stands. Jeb, who was making you run for president? You’re an adult, they can’t make you do anything anymore. It’s okay to be your own person. Jeb, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, Jeb. Don’t stare too long into the abyss.

In sports news, Major League Baseball’s spring training began this week. Teams flocked to their facilities in Arizona and Florida to begin preparation for the upcoming season. Top teams to watch this year include the Chicago Cubs, the New York Mets, and the returning champion Kansas City Royals.

Now, I may be a little biased due to being a baseball player and all, but I’m pretty dang excited for this season to get started. I love baseball. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the balls, the bats, the bases, the dirt, the chalk, the fences, the jerseys, the hats, the cleats, the pine tar, the foul poles, the fans, the managers, the umpires, the strikes, the outs, the runs, the slides, the fly balls, the ground balls, the line drives, the crotch grabs, the chewing tobacco, the casual homophobia, the sexism, the racially coded language, the distractions that keep our attention away from the fact that society is increasingly controlled by a small group of elites who don’t mind if the Earth is destroyed as long as they can get another dollar. Ah yes, baseball season. It’s almost back again.

I’m going to bed. See you later.

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