The Friday Mustard



Hey, big news here at The Thrill. This segment is no longer the Friday Ketchup. Instead, from now it is the Friday Mustard. Now I know some people might be upset about this change, but I think in the long run it will be for the best for all of us. I want you to know that it isn’t your fault. The content you know and love will still be here providing your life meaning and fulfillment, but now it will have a new yellow coat. No need to worry. It’s the Friday Mustard.

On Wednesday, the mayor of Hoboken, New Jersey was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after an apparent bar fight with a member of the Red Hat Society. The mayor, Dawn Zimmer, has been released on bail. The fight apparently started after Zimmer said the as-of-yet anonymous Society member’s hat was, quote, “more of a maroon.”

Now, I’m not really going out on too much of limb her in saying this is not exactly mayoral behavior, right? She’s not the mayor of color-town, now is she? So where does she get off in deciding what color that lady’s hat is? I mean, am I right, or am I right? Hoboken, more like HoBroken if you ask me.

Earlier this week, McDonalds announced it will no longer serve breakfast food. The restaurant chain will continue to operate in the morning, but will only provide its normal daytime menu options. “We believe it is in our best interest to serve our customers the food they want, and our research has shown that means delicious Filet-O-Fish sandwiches being put out at 7:15 in the morning,” a company spokesman said.”There’s nothing Americans like more than savory McRib they can eat in the car while on their way to work.”

This is a great business move by McDonalds. Who likes breakfast food anyways? Not me, that’s for sure. When I wake up in the morning I always have a nice plate of buffalo wings smothered in ranch dressing with a side of cheese fries. I wash it all down with a nice glass of Mountain Dew Code Red that I let sit out the night before so its all flat and lukewarm. With the new McDonalds menu, I feel like I finally have a restaurant that truly caters to my needs as a consumer. Thanks McDonalds!

Well, that’s the Friday Mustard. I hope you enjoyed all the great news stories this week.

SIKE! APIRL FOLESS HAHA APIL FOOLIS! Those weren’t even real news stories! I got y’all good, didn’t I? You were probably thinking those news stories were real. That’s just ridiculous. Everyone knows Hoboken isn’t a real place. Ha, you are all so gullible. I got you good with that prank. APIRL FOOLES!


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