via gambierdeli.com

The Gambier Deli: we know it, we love it, we repeatedly spend $12 on a breakfast sandwich and leave an hour later smelling of bacon grease and coffee. The rest of your day is interrupted with comments like, “Did you go to the deli today? I can tell.” Why would they say that? Is it supposed to be embarrassing? Are they trying to hurt me? But when you can count the number of readily accessible food options on one hand, you can’t help but return to the deli and its dense meaty air every now and again. Luckily for you, we’ve compiled a few awesome life hacks to help you smell fresh and enjoy your food.

1. Take the food to-go. Chow down on that Which Emily is It?? on the outdoor patio or haul ass back to your safe, comfortable and (relatively) clean-smelling room. The majority of the deli’s musk will penetrate clothing while waiting or hanging out inside, so don’t be taken for a fool. Get out of there while you can!
2. Wash your hands every time you handle your food. You are painfully aware of the egg yolk and melted cheese running down your fingers as you devour that brekkie sammie, but you’ve already torn through all the napkins at your table. Instead of letting your skin soak up that deli goodness, run to the Farr bathroom in between every bite in order to avoid marinating in brunch sauce. If this is too much effort, consider bringing Bath and Body Works PocketBac sanitizers back into the picture.
3. Run down to the KAC post-meal for a steam session and sweat it out. Would this work? Is this how our bodies work?
4. Pack extra clothes and a toothbrush for damage control. If you don’t have time to shower or sweat after your weekend brunch (isn’t a drawn-out deli date just another means of procrastination anyway?) do a quick lil costume change before booking it to Olin. This option doesn’t offer great results, because as we all know the deli will soak into your hair and skin in a way that calls for a deep clean, but your efforts will be admired.
5. Quick! Order this vintage With Love…Hilary Duff perfume set to keep on your person 24/7 specifically for Deli emergencies. It’s best to just prepare for the worst and carry a small stash of discontinued drugstore celebrity perfume in the off-chance that none of the aforementioned tips apply to your Deli outing. Nothing easier than spritzing down in some eau de toilette that will simultaneously deodorize and keep people at a safe distance.