You look at the clock and it reads 3:00 AM. A crumpled-up candy wrapper sits to the side of your textbook. I don’t remember anything of the last ten pages I’ve read, you think to yourself. Maybe it would be better for you to go to sleep at this point. Surely a few hours of rest would do you better than to keep studying. I’ll just close my eyes for a minute, you say, then I’ll be able to finish this up. You look back at the clock. 9:30 AM. You’re late for the test. You rush to put on your clothes and run out the door. A few minutes later you arrive at the classroom, out of breath and sweaty. The professor hands you the test along with a stern look of disapproval. You take a seat and turn to the first page of the exam. You can’t believe it. This isn’t what you’ve been studying for at all. Your head starts swimming and you begin to feel nauseous. The prompt sits on the page mocking you. It’s the Friday Ketchup.

On Tuesday, the governor of Mississippi signed a bill into law that “allows public and private businesses to refuse service to gay couples based on the employers’ religious beliefs.” This comes following a similar law passed by North Carolina last week. A business or individual government employee may refuse service to individuals whose lifestyles are perceived as violating their religious beliefs. The ACLU and other organizations quickly denounced the legislation as discriminatory and unconstitutional.

There’s nothing more Christian than a law allowing you to discriminate against someone who lives differently than you. You know how Jesus was, always hanging around people exactly like him, never even thinking about helping out someone different, especially those who were ostracized by society. No, he would never dream of doing something like that. This makes me think of the old Bible verse, “And Thou shalt turn thine back on those who look differently than Thou, for it is holy to be scared of guys who like to kiss guys.”

In sports news, the Villanova Wildcats defeated the UNC Tar Heels by a score of 77-74 to win the NCAA men’s basketball national championship on Monday night. Kris Jenkins hit a 3-pointer as time expired to give Villanova its second-ever championship and its first since 1985. Wildcat senior point guard Ryan Archidiacono was named Most Outstanding Players of the tournament.

Ah, March Madness at its finest. There’s nothing better than a bunch of young men playing for nothing more than the love of the game while the colleges and universities make millions of dollars off them. Yupp, this is the game at its purest. Just student-athletes being students first, getting the most out of a free education that is in no way compromised by their commitments to their team. Its amazing they can compete at such a high level of basketball and still be devoted to academics. Those sports management degrees these kids totally chose of their own volition sure will come in handy when the vast majority of them don’t play professionally. They’re not being taken advantage of in any way at all. No siree. Absolutely a fair balance between labor and management here. Nothing at all to be worried about.

The Friday Ketchup is done now.