The Friday Ketchup


As I look back on my time at Kenyon, I realize one thing has really defined my experience more than any other. Sure, the friends I’ve made are wonderful, and sure, all the things I’ve learned I’ll carry with me for a lifetime. But the one thing I think I’ll remember more than anything else is never really talked about. It passes uncommented upon here at Kenyon, and I would guess it does at other institutions of higher learning as well, but it really has been integral to my four years here on the hill. Every once in a while you’ll hear a comment, or see a poster, or smell a smell, that reminds you of it, but its such a part of your daily life that it simply goes unnoticed most times. Well, I’m giving it its due, because it really is the unsung hero of college for me. It’s the Friday Ketchup.

An Indiana State Trooper was fired this week after multiple complaints alleged he had proselytized during traffic stops. Brian L. Hamilton had worked as a trooper for 14 years before being let go. The allegations date back to 2014, when Hamilton asked a driver whether she had “accepted Jesus Christ as her savior” and then handed her a religious pamphlet from a nearby Baptist church.

Now I don’t see any problem with this. I mean, isn’t religious liberty one of the founding pillars of American society? Are you going to tell me that a state trooper shouldn’t be trying to convert drivers after pulling them over? I mean, sure, the drivers are technically being detained and are an unwilling, captive audience, but so were lots of converts, like everyone that lived in the Americas when Europeans came over, and that turned out great for everyone involved. Besides, proselytization is literally part of the Miranda rights:

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law and also when God judges you. You have the right to an attorney and a pastor. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Pastors are free already. You have the right to not accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and to burn in Hell and be a bad person who nobody likes.  Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me and convert to my preferred denomination of Christianity?

On Wednesday night, Kobe Bryant scored 60 points on 50 shots in his last-ever NBA game, as his Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Utah Jazz. The win comes at the end of a miserable season for the Lakers, one in which the traditional basketball powerhouse only managed a 17-65 record. Bryant will be remembered as a fierce competitor and one of the best to ever play the game of basketball. During his 20 seasons, all with the Lakers, Bryant won five championships and an MVP award.

Well, a part of my childhood just died. Kobe Bryant has been around for a long as I can remember, and he was truly a giant of the sports world as I was growing up. Sure, he was never my favorite player, but I still respected the heck out of him for doing whatever it took to win. It’s hard to believe he’s gone now. Crazy how one minute he’s there, shooting shots and being alive, and the next he’s dead. Athletes really give their all to the game. Kobe’s tremendous sacrifice to the city of Los Angeles will surely be remembered forever, as he was a martyr for the Lakers, and really even the game itself. RIP Kobe. You will be missed.

The Sixth Day of the Week Tomato-Based Condiment is now over.

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