For a couple of months, I forgot about famous Kenyon alumnus John Green ’00. I forgot the speech he made in Rosse Hall two short years ago (after which he complimented my earrings); I forgot how many clouds were on the blindingly-aqua dust jacket of his novel The Fault in our Stars (there are two); I forgot the words “Nerdfighteria,” “Project for Awesome” and “Hanklerfish;” I forgot the gentle puff of his hair and the not-so-gentle bug of his eyes.
Honestly, ignorance was bliss. But it’s finals week now, and God knows I need an excuse to procrastinate.
So, out of some misguided sense of loyalty (to Kenyon? To the John Green brand? To my thirteen-year-old, bowl-cutted, painfully awkward self?), I Googled him. What’s John Green up to? I’ll friggin’ tell you.
- He recently declared his love for the Indianapolis airport. In a Vlogbrothers video released just yesterday, Green proclaimed it to be “the best airport on earth.” Our boy’s gettin’ POLITICAL, ladies and gentlemen! I can’t wait to see what Twitter says about this little nugget of controversy.
- His celebrity won him the opportunity to drive a car kind of fast. Turns out Green is gonna be the pace car driver for a Grand Prix in Indy! What does that mean? I barely know, and I’m not going to say anything about it due to my crippling fear of intellectual judgement!
- John Green is also the name of the CFO of a pharmaceutical company. He’s had over thirty years of financial management experience, so you KNOW this bitch is qualified. Also, he goes by Jack. Fun!
- Paramount Pictures kind of hates him. Green tweeted about it a bunch and then deleted everything he said, so the situation is a little murky. BUT I can tell you that this article lays out all the information available while making a lot of references to Looking for Alaska. (Full disclosure: I read Looking for Alaska four years ago, cried for twenty minutes and then promptly forgot everything it was about. 100% of the references soared over my head. I can’t read. No one can read.)
- Green is a color. It comes in a lot of different types! Who knew?