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10 o’clock list: What’s Happening to John Green?

May 4, 2016
The spirit of Kenyon lives on in John Green '00.

The spirit of Kenyon lives on in John Green ’00.

For a couple of months, I forgot about famous Kenyon alumnus John Green ’00. I forgot the speech he made in Rosse Hall two short years ago (after which he complimented my earrings); I forgot how many clouds were on the blindingly-aqua dust jacket of his novel The Fault in our Stars (there are two); I forgot the words “Nerdfighteria,” “Project for Awesome” and “Hanklerfish;” I forgot the gentle puff of his hair and the not-so-gentle bug of his eyes.

Honestly, ignorance was bliss. But it’s finals week now, and God knows I need an excuse to procrastinate.

So, out of some misguided sense of loyalty (to Kenyon? To the John Green brand? To my thirteen-year-old, bowl-cutted, painfully awkward self?), I Googled him. What’s John Green up to? I’ll friggin’ tell you.

  1. He recently declared his love for the Indianapolis airport. In a Vlogbrothers video released just yesterday, Green proclaimed it to be “the best airport on earth.” Our boy’s gettin’ POLITICAL, ladies and gentlemen! I can’t wait to see what Twitter says about this little nugget of controversy.
  2. His celebrity won him the opportunity to drive a car kind of fast. Turns out Green is gonna be the pace car driver for a Grand Prix in Indy! What does that mean? I barely know, and I’m not going to say anything about it due to my crippling fear of intellectual judgement!
  3. John Green is also the name of the CFO of a pharmaceutical company. He’s had over thirty years of financial management experience, so you KNOW this bitch is qualified. Also, he goes by Jack. Fun!
  4. Paramount Pictures kind of hates him. Green tweeted about it a bunch and then deleted everything he said, so the situation is a little murky. BUT I can tell you that this article lays out all the information available while making a lot of references to Looking for Alaska. (Full disclosure: I read Looking for Alaska four years ago, cried for twenty minutes and then promptly forgot everything it was about. 100% of the references soared over my head. I can’t read. No one can read.)
  5. Green is a color. It comes in a lot of different types! Who knew?
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