They told me when I was a freshman that the sophomore-senior relationship was something to look forward to.
I didn’t believe them. “But these juniors… they ain’t shit to me!”, I naively protested, internally, because that’s a rude thing to say out loud.
Alas… sweet, simple, lil’-ol’-dumb-ol’-stinky-ol’ me. Looking back now, a year later, it’s a cruel how wrong I have proven to be. I’m gonna miss so many of you so much – you guys are great! Heck, you guys are shit to me!
Therefore, it is with heavy heart and on bended knee that I offer this simple tribute to you, the graduating class of Kenyon College – you, who have taught me so much, who have welcomed me into your homes and who have even, on occasion, into the NCA’s gazebo (but that was really just a one time thing, as you so explicitly stated. It’s cool! I understand. Everyday can’t be Underclassmen Gazebo Open-Season Day. That would be crazy. Right? That would be crazy, Cath).
So here it is, coming at you live from the deepest recesses of my soul/from inside my parked Ford Escape Hybrid with the windows fully rolled up. Warning: this one was incredibly hard to make, so it’s probably gonna be incredibly hard to listen to.
I love you, Seniors. Go forth and multiply. And divide. And then do whatever else you wanna do ’cause you already fulfilled your QR credit and you’ll never have to do math again!!!!! HAHAAHAHAHAH!!!